Teufel's Tomb

Festered “Flesh Perversion”

These Razorback Reviews are really starting to write themselves. I could probably start mad libbing them at this rate.

Impetuous Ritual “Relentless Execution of Ceremonial Excrescence”

The musical equivalent of having your penis being slowly torn apart by the flaming, reanimated carcass of a wildebeest possessed by the spirit of a lumbering demigod of fear.

Syphilic “Symphony of Slit Throats”

Syphilic is extra brutal. If the drums were real I could easily end up with a little tip juice saturating my shorts. This EP is real fucking good.

Anaal Nathrakh “In The Constellation Of The Black Widow”

Anaal Nathrakh is the band that should be played when you want to scare the shit out of your family, friends, or co-workers. If hell had a soundtrack, there is no question it would be performed by these guys.

Intestinal Disgorge “Vagina”

Have you ever wondered who those three assholes were over at the IHOP sitting there at any given time of the day sucking back unlimited soda pop and shooting spit-balls at each other thinking that they’re hilarious and cool?

Without Mercy “Without Mercy”

Without Mercy is a female fronted generic slam riff band from Vancouver. Not only do they suck, they're also retards.

Nile “Those Whom The Gods Detest”

The masturbators of the war god Nile are back with their sixth full length studio effort, which sounds a lot like they're giving the war god a reach around.

Portal “Swarth”

The musical equivalent of a supernatural genocide in a mental hospital.

Five Finger Death Punch “War Is the Answer”

It felt good. Like a penis. A soft, but sturdy penis that felt warm to the touch. In Five Finger Death Punch's mind, they suddenly felt like they were surrounded by penises. They were all around them, flopping all around and slapping their face. It was as if they were in a redwood forest of penises.

As You Drown “Reflection”

As You Drown add the suffix "core" to the phrase "Swedish Death Metal."

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Feb. 8, 2010

Blog » Selling My CD/DVD/T-Shirt/Video Game Collection (Updated)

Teufel - I’m selling my entire CD & most of my DVD collection. See anything you like? Make me an offer I can’t refuse!

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Jan. 12, 2010

Blog » How Many Douche Bags Does It Take?

Silky Bravado - Fuck me, fuck you.

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Oct. 12, 2009

Blog » Don Decker: Sheepfucker, Anal Blast Vocalist, Porn Grind Legend, Humanitarian: 9/11/68-10/11/09 RIP

Teufel - Teufel’s Tomb’s touching tribute to legendary porn grind weirdo Don Decker of Anal Blast. Rest in peace!

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Aug. 11, 2009

Blog » Summer Sellout Tour 2009 – An Old Man Leaves the Home

Double Ds - Double Ds attends Summer Slaughter 2009… and is not pleased by what he finds. Not pleased at all.

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Aug. 1, 2009

Blog » Website Updates Return Next Week

Teufel - Just a quick note to let you guys know (belatedly) that I took this past week off to focus on other projects. Keep your eyes peeled for a couple of big announcements next week regarding some new sites I’m launching! I’ll get back to Teufel’s Tomb updates next week, hopefully Monday or Tuesday.

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Jul. 11, 2009

Metal News » First 18 Band Announced For Maryland Deathfest 2010

Teufel - The organizer’s for the annual Maryland Deathfest have announced the first 18 bands for next year’s event, scheduled for May 28th-30th, 2010. 16 Birds Of Prey Entombed Eyehategod Fuck The Facts Gride Gridlink Haemorrhage Howl Impaled Incantation Ingrowing Massgrave Obituary Pentagram Portal Sinister Tombs Obituary! Entombed! Sinister! Incantation! Portal! I think I just got a fucking boner… and I mean that in the most manly and hetero way possible.

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Jul. 11, 2009

Metal News » Black Metal Superdouche Varg Vikernes Working On New Burzum Album

Teufel - Blabbermouth reports recent parolee/murderer/arsonist/prison escapee/racist douchebag Varg Vikernes has announced he’s written 9 songs for the first new Burzum album since 1999’s Hliðskjálf, which he recorded in prison. He tells Norway’s Dagbladet that several record labels are interested in issuing the band’s first LP in eleven years. “I want to take my time [with the album], so that I can get...

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Jul. 11, 2009

Metal News » Amon Amarth’s “The Crusher” To Be Remastered, Re-Released

Teufel - Following the successful re-releases of Amon Amarth’s Once Sent From The Golden Hall ( Review ) and The Avenger (review coming), Metal Blade Records have announced they’ll be re-releasing Amon Amarth’s third full length effort, The Crusher on September 1st in a deluxe double-popup-digipak. Like the previous two re-releases, the deluxe version will see The Crusher remastered, plus a cover...

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Jul. 8, 2009

Metal News » Thornafire Release Details For Upcoming Full Length

Teufel - Chilean death metallers Thornafire release details for their upcoming full length, Vorex Deconstrucción, due out on Ibex Moon Records in July.

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Jul. 8, 2009

Metal News » Norwegian Blackened Thrash Grinders Amok Writing New Full Length

Teufel - Norwegian blackened thrash grinders Amok announce that they’ve begun writing material for their next full length effort, titled Exodus Reversal Hex.

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