I didn't write that particular review, although I agree with it and feel the new Children Of Bodom pretty much sucks and blows. Your logic confuses me, however; since I'm apparently being an asshole and insulting bands, they should beat my ass. By the same logic, doesn't that mean I should beat your ass because you don't like my reviews? I don't think it would take me very long to beat up a 19 year old with an emo haircut as gay as yours, Mister "Rocks Like its the 70s and 80s".

For future reference: if you're going to try to be tough on the internet, don't do it from an account where there's a link to pictures of yourself, especially since you look about as grim, evil and kvlt as one of the kids from Hanson... any of them.

As for Raven Lao... THE piece of shit? I'm not just A piece of shit, but now I am THE piece of shit. Well... a piece really isn't that big. I went to school with a kid who once ate a dog turd. Well, actually, it was frozen and someone kicked it and it hit him in the mouth. He wound up spitting it out. It was pretty disgusting, but at the same time it was by far one of the funniest things I've ever seen. Actually, a frozen dog turd to the mouth is way more entertaining than Children of Bodom, and infinitely more fun than listening to fans of said band drone on and on and on because someone thinks they suck. Even if I didn't think they suck, which they do, you've still got to contend with the 6.4 BILLION people in the world who think Children of Bodom, and anything even remotely "metal" is complete and utter shit. Why must I, and the rest of the world, have to suffer listening to your incessant whining because you are an insecure pissant who can't handle the fact that you have crap taste in music? Just acknowledge the fact your taste in music is crap, cry yourselves to sleep while fantasizing about Alexi Laiho giving you a reach around and live in sadness forever knowing that as gay as you become you will never be feminine enough to satisfy his carnal buttcravings.

As per usual I'm very happy to hear from my fans, especially the ones who get offended easily over stupid shit that is completely irrelevant. Your complete lack of coherence only helps to make this e-mail even more amazing.

"I know that your answer to my writing will be in sense of, you are stupid fuck who deserves to die, killing his mothe and father because they made him etc. etc."

That's fucking awesome. I don't understand what any of it means, but you seem tense. Pinko, my friend, relax... have a bath, get a nice glass of Beaujolais, maybe smoke a joint or two, jerk off to some pornography or maybe even meditate. Here's the great secret of metal; it's stupid. As a fan of metal, you too, are stupid, and, judging by your e-mail, you are stupid and angry. Anger isn't healthy. You should go hug someone. Hug your mom. Hug your dad. Hug a tree. Whatever it is you hug, just make sure you do it with a clear mind and a warm heart.

I'm glad you mention my former bands and the music we created. You see, I was, indeed, in bands, and I realized that metal was stupid, so I wrote every lyric to all 17 of our songs using the same four words; Pee. Poo. Bum. Dinky. Sadly, as stupid as that was, it's still not as stupid as complaining about some guy on a website making fun of people for sending him stupid e-mails... like this one. You know what, Dinko Stinko? You were right. You should die, killing your mothe and father because they made you... whatever that means. Jesus, after reading this I think I've become stupider. I'm going to go fart and laugh at my own ass. Life is good.

Thank you, I'm here all week.