Cesspool Of Vermin: So Brutal They Hurt My Brain…
Hi guys this is Derek from Cesspool of Vermin! Thanks for the cheesy, horrible review! We appreciate it! hahaha! Oh yeah! If you don’t like our shit… fuck you in the mouth! We play what we want & have fun doing it, so… chug a dick!
hahahaha… okay, these guys obviously didn’t like the review, but they’re laughing it off, that’s cool… oh, wait… what’s that?
Ummmm… who told you guys you could post one of our tracks on your site? I’m gonna ask politely for you to take it down OR you can consult with us & we can choose a track for you to post. If you won’t agree to that I’ll contact our record label & he can contact the proper authorities. Thanks.
Perhaps I was a little hasty in assuming these guys were intelligent to just laugh this off and walk away. Seems like they’re mighty butthurt to be complaining about free publicity for their stupid band. Normally I’d just tear into these fools and mock them relentlessly, but I’ll play it cool…
Enclosed is a copy of the e-mail from Barrett at Sevared Records giving me permission to post samples from albums he’s released. The e-mail is dated June 7th, 2009. The review for your album, along with the audio clip, was posted June 8th, 2009. I don’t post audio samples unless first being given permission by the label or band (if it’s a demo or self-released effort). The audio samples enable the reader to listen to the music themselves and form their own opinion, if they listen to it and like it, links are provided for where the album can be purchased legally.
If you want me to remove the sample, I will, no problem, but I’m not going to waste the time, effort or bandwidth on uploading a different track.
- Eric
http://www.teufelstomb.com/
Take it down.
On a personal note: I don’t appreciate the sarcastic way you guys reviewed our album. You could have rated it a zero & been professional & stated the reasons why you didn’t like it & I wouldn’t have cared, but the review you posted makes a mockery out of us. Fuck that. We’ve never disrespected you & we don’t appreciate it.
These guys write songs about fucking dead dogs and they don’t appreciate sarcasm and humor? This guy is clearly a retard. Time to incite some angry keyboard mashing from this tool.
*removes audio sample from the review and replaces it with the following text*
[Audio sample has been removed at the band's request. I wonder if they bree-bree-bree when they cry themselves to sleep at night? - Teufel]
I see your little smart ass remark on your page asshole. You better hope I never see you in person.
Why? Are you planning on sucking my dick?
I think it’s pretty fucking awesome that you guys write an album with songs about dead dog fucking, rape and all of the other fucking retarded “controversial” shit you can think of to get attention, then the moment someone gives you the negative attention you so desperately crave you cry about it. You write songs about fucking dead dogs.
On a related note, don’t fucking threaten me. It’s not my fault or my problem you have thin skin and can’t handle a joke, despite the fact that you WRITE SONGS ABOUT FUCKING DEAD DOGS! “You better hope I never see you in person.” Why? Are you going to cry when I tell you your band sucks to your face? You’re sure doing a lot of boo-hooing behind your computer screen there, tough guy. “Take down the audio clip, you’re making fun of me!” Yeah… I’m fucking terrified.
Grow up.
- Eric
http://www.teufelstomb.com/
Sad and pathetic finger mashing and Photoshopping coming in 3-2-1…
Fuck you fat boy. I’ll whip your fucking ass. You don’t fucking know me. I’ll see you out at a show some time & I’ll knock some of that fat of your goddamn jaw.

He Photoshopped an old picture of me making a stupid face onto his album cover. I don’t know if you can read what it says in the bubble but it says… “Hi, my name is Eric & I’m a fat fucking slob that sits behind my computer all day & talks shit about people. I could never join a Death Metal band so now I just write half ass reviews! Damn, I’m a loser!”
hahahaha… what a fucking retard. I never wrote the review, but he’s turning this into a personal grudge because he can’t handle criticism. He doesn’t stop there though…
Cesspool Of Vermin’s MySpace page:
TEUFEL’S TOMB WANTS TO TALK SHIT? WE CAN DO THAT TOO!
It’s recently been brought to my attention that Teufel’s Tomb didn’t care for our album & wrote a smart ass review of it talking shit. Well… we here at the Cesspool camp are masters of shit talking & retaliation. Here’s what I think of Eric Crookes & Teufel’s Tomb.


If you don’t like fat, shit talking queers that trash Metal bands for no reason go over to http://www.teufelstomb.com & let them know how you feel! Or even better! Write this douchebag up & let him feel the hate!
Eric Crookes
PO Box 54519
Highgate Village
7155 Kingsway
Burnaby, BC V5E 4J6
CANADA
On a personal note Eric… it’s not our fault you could never make it in a Death Metal band & your stuck writing shitty reviews. I guess you just weren’t good enough. Goddamn fat jawed James Hetfield looking, lamb chop facial hair, no talent havin’ ass motherfucker! hahaha!
This coming from a dude who looks like this:

I wonder if he grows his beard like that to give his dad something to hold onto when he fucks his purty lil mouth.
He goes on…
Cesspool Of Vermin’s MySpace Bulletin:
A Cancer To Metal! READ!
I’ve been looking at reviews & comments over at the Teufel’s Tomb site & these guys are just bashing all kinds of bands. They talk shit, clown the bands & just plain say disrespectful things. I think it’s pretty fucked up they claim to be Metal & talk all that shit. They rated the new Pestilence album as “Mediocre” WTF! That’s insane! That album rips! These motherfuckers are a disease to Metal. I’d like to run in to their crew at a show somewhere & show them what Metal really is!! Go over to their site & retaliate! I’ve been giving them my two cents all night. Bunch of internet warriors talking shit behind a computer screen all day. How brutal…
My “crew”? Are you planning a dance off?
I think it’s pretty awesome that, rather than just stick with the decent publicity from a review with audio sample from the website, he’s instead decided to aim to get as much negative publicity for himself and his band as possible, and has not only made himself look like an overly sensitive girl who can’t handle a joke, he’s dragged his entire band into it as well and made them all look like a bunch of retards by association. Then again… drummer Jordan Varela has already tried starting shit with me before.
If you can’t handle criticism, don’t play music that is liked by only 0.00001% of the world’s population because while a handful of people will like it, the rest of the world will be more than happy to tell you you fucking suck!
Please continue angrily mashing your fat fingers on your keyboard. The angrier you are, the funnier this shit gets.
“WE ARE Cesspool of Vermin AND WE CAN’T TAKE A JOKE OR HANDLE CRITICISM… BREEEE!!!! BRREEEEEE!!!! BREEEEEEEE!!!!!!! *sniffle* *sniffle* BREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!”
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