Hi Eddy, is that your real name? I’m just curious, do you find it difficult to exist without oxygen reaching your brain? I’m actually surprised you haven’t demanded something for free yet, but I’m sure that time will come. I can see it now. "Hi Teufel, it me Eddy, I want help you with Tomb. We metal brother! We thrash for SATAN! I KILL FOR SATAN! HAIL SATAN! You send me free shirt and cd and I tell all my friend about Teufel Tomb. METAL FOREVER, BROTHER!" I hope you lose a limb stepping on a land mine.

Yes.

Mr. Accidents: Yes, finally. I would like to return your quote-unquote sarcasm detector.
Teufel: I see, you do have a receipt, quote-unquote, sir?
Mr. Accidents: No, I do not have a receipt. I won it as a prize at a Mortician show, although I find their choice of prize highly illogical as the average Mortician fan does not have the intelligence to operate such a machine.
Teufel: Whoa, whoa, a fat, humorless Mortician fan! You must be a devil with the ladies!
Mr. Accidents: Hey, I, uh, de-oh…
Teufel: Gee, I hate to let you down, Casanova, but no receipt no return.
Angry Norse: I’ll give you four bucks for it.
Mr. Accidents: *sighs* Very well. I must hurry back to my computer and go online where I dispense the insults rather than absorb them.

I’m a "dick without balls"? I guess that is like cookie dough without chocolate chips, missing something very important. This fool could be on to something, maybe I am missing something, and I am almost sure of what it is. Time, I waste FAR to much time on the idiots who read this page. And I’m not Canadian you spermless wonder.

Very rarely do we get to witness the lowest of all of Earth’s creatures, the Heavy Metal boy (Heavymetalicus younhomois). Watch his poor spelling as he mashes all of his fingers into the keyboard at once to insult those not in his favor. He makes a spectacle and a fool of himself constantly, yet never is aware of it. Truly a marvel of nature.

Pardon me a moment.

*clears his throat and rubs his hands together, then throws his hands up into the air and bellows*

ANYONE WHO IS NOT A TOTAL FUCKING RETARD AND COMPLETE AND UTTER ASS POSEUR KNOWS THAT MESSIAH ONLY DID BACKING VOCALS ON THE COVER OF VENOM‘S "WITCHING HOUR" AND "PURE FUCKING ARMAGEDDON" ON DEATHCRUSH! MANIAC WAS LEAD VOCALIST FROM 1986-1988 AND RETURNED TO TAKE OVER THE VOCAL DUTIES IN 1995! DO NOT ATTEMPT TO BE A SMART ASS KNOW-IT-ALL IF YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT!

*lowers his hands, takes a deep breath and continues*

Thank you. This has been a special presentation by Teufel’s Tomb. We now return you to your regularly scheduled hate mail replies.

Hey, what the fuck? What *is* wrong with Grand Declaration of War? I mean, other than the fact that it’s a fucking disgrace to the name Mayhem, black metal, Euronymous, Dead and pretty much anyone who had as much as a little inkling of an idea what Mayhem were once about. Other than that, I can’t think of anything. If you could manage to pull your head from my mother’s crotch for long enough to form a structured thought, I’d like to hear your side of the story. Too bad that just isn’t going to happen, Juras. That album does not kick anything else than maybe a couple tombstones, and it cannot hold as much one of the broken candles you fuck yourself in the ass with on Tuesday nights to Live in Leipzig nor De Mysteriis dom Sathanas or even fucking The Dawn of the Black Hearts. There ARE no riffs on that album. Not a single fucking riff. I don’t even have to double dare your Polish ass to find one, ’cause I know as well as I know your mother there is no such thing to be found. As far as Maniac compared to Atilla – I won’t even contemplate whether or not you’re on crack. Maniac could be fisting himself with brass knuckles on and he couldn’t sound stupider. Atilla has character – there is no vocalist who sounds anything like him – Maniac attempts to imitate Chuck D. of Public Enemy and falls flat on his ass like every other white rapper out there after Vanilla Ice put the mic on the shelf. I’m not even going to bother saying the obvious about Euronymous’ guitar playing seeing as you will never understand it if you haven’t already. As far as Blasphemer goes – he has a charming beard and he is a talented guitarist, but his work on Grand Declaration of War isn’t worth the cheap vinyl it’s printed on.

Total fucking homosexuality! Hail and kill! \m/!!!

Why do all of the fans of this band have a thing for having other men suck their cock? Oh… wait… never mind… I just answered my own question.