Haven’t I been saying this for years? I think we totally suck, and it’s good to see that people with GOOD taste agree with me. In fact, I don’t even like metal. I only pretend to be into metal to get skanky metal bitches… unfortunately I’m ugly and that plan has failed horribly. It probably doesn’t help that I have a laughably small penis as well. Hmm… yea… we suck… it’s great, isn’t it? I wonder what the rest of the staff have to say. Are we not the gayest bunch of faggots this side of Rob Halford’s bedroom?

Hi. I am the Angry Norse. I am among the most inept slew of ass-backward, inbred, fucking failed abortions to infect the internet. It’s bad enough I can’t even write a decent review, but I am also a flaming homosexual and I have OCD. I only write reviews to annoy other people, in an attempt to make my own problems seem smaller. I also have OCD. I must admit – I am a product of anal birth with no understanding of musicianship or creativity or above all how to write a fucking review. I think I am real clever with my childish insults when I am fingered for the prick I am. I have OCD. A spade is a spade, and my taste in metal is shit. I have zero grasp of anything else than ripping away on typically popular bands and their achievements with grade school efficiency and incomprehensibly obvious although unintentional proof that I have OCD. in newsgroups, pricks like me are called trolls. The other day I stopped masturbating to wonder why Teufel’s Tomb receives as much hate mail as it does. I think not it is because everyone else in the underground are complete assholes (although this is fact), but rather that I and my cohorts fit such a description. I, however, am the only person on Teufel’s Tomb who has OCD. Thinking about this strained my primitive unevolved brain stems. After finishing my masturbation session I had another enema, changed my tampons (I fit three in my ass now) and attempted to actually ingest some of the mail Teufel’s Tomb receives. Perhaps some day in the future I will realize that I really am an idiot who cannot tell an aluminum can from an aluminum can. I am a fuckbrain with OCD. I serve.

Duh, you’re a fag, Duh. Duh. Your Mom. Duh. You are gay. Duh. I think I that was close enough to your comprehension level.

Hey, "fagcrown," when I get my thesis done on the evolution of forensic psychology as pertains to Medieval vampirism, funereal ritualism and satanic murders (an utterly laborious process, but ultimately rewarding,) I’ll have to forward you a copy to proof-read, and perhaps give me some "helpful hints" on, since you are obviously of such a profoundly superior mind. I would tell you to blow your soft-brained idiocy out of your supple little homosexual rosebud, but your pedophilic father’s leathery, blood-swollen cock is there (My god, I’m a poetaster!).

You poor sniveling swine. You writhe about in your comfy little shit-stained, cum-smeared lazy boy rubbing your upturned snout on the monitor sitting atop your mother’s desk and attempt desperately to bash a website that loves to be bashed. Amidst all of your whit and scanty "mature" babble, you have just defeated your own purpose, accomplishing nothing. Why do you think the site has an entire section devoted to hate mail? Because spoiled little blubberballs such as yourself take pride in focusing your energies on a worthless self expression that will only be laughed at and mocked. Do you truly think people visit the hate mail section on Teufel’s Tomb to sympathize with the likes of you? I think not. You are currently the entertainment for hundreds each day on the site. Perhaps your intentions are to gain some sort of miniscule stardom hoping that your "intricate" and well-thought-out mail will be posted for all to see. Well, it will be, but you might as well walk into the streets with an unwiped ass with your fat ankles toppling over the side of your shit-upon Nikes if you wish to receive the attention you didn’t get as a child. Or do you actually miss the good ‘ol days when daddy would slip those $20 bills under the bathroom doors for his knightly doorknob polishing. Well here’s a door knob you can polish, kiddie…and if you don’t do it right, I’ll kick you in the ass so hard you’ll have to clear your throat to take a shit.

> since no matter how polite the criticism you are sent is ultimately
> answered back with a scathing and childish response, I might as well
> beat you to the punch and tell you and your "writers" that collectively,
> you have got to be the most inept slew of ass-backward, inbred, fucking
> failed abortions to infect the internet.

HEY LOOK AT ME I AM, ‘DEATHCROWN’ I MAKE RUN, ON SENTENCES AND I USE, TOO MANY COMMAS, AND I GET SO SO, MAD AT TEUFEL AND, HIS TOMB.

> Its bad enough you assholes can’t even write
> decent reviews but you unquestionably write these pieces of editorial trash
> to get a rise out of those who visit your worthless site.

LOOK LIKE, WE, GET A, RISE OUT, OF YOU HAHAH,AHAHA, GET FUCKED, YA POOFTER CUNT!!!

Pretty strong words from someone from England…. a nation of sissies.

I’d agree if I had any idea what the fuck he just said.

Let me get this straight… you’re a Mexican death metal fan living in Houston, yet your IP address states your sending the e-mail from Boston? I’m pretty sure no Mexican is smart enough to figure out how to spoof an IP, which leads me to believe that you’re little more than a sad person living in Boston trying to give Mexican death metal fans the reputation for being ridiculous retards. For the record Brujeria is an American death metal act featuring members of Fear Factory, Napalm Death, Dimmu Borgir and Faith No More. Two of the members are white non-Hispanic non-North Americans. The only killing Juan Brujo has ever done is his brain cells when he’s forced to sit in the same cramped room as Dino after he eats a plateful of burritos. Even he is ashamed of people like you. I hope you’re happy, you’ve disgraced an entire country with your stupidity.

Your e-mail made me think long and hard, not about your comments, because I honestly haven’t been paying attention to any of the e-mails I’ve ever received. What made me think is your name; Mikhail Capone. It brings many thoughts to mind, but the one that comes to mind the most is "What the fuck kind of name is Mikhail Capone? He sounds like a confused gangster. It’s like Michael Jackson. Is he black or is he white? He doesn’t know. How about this Mikhail kid? Is he Russian or is he Italian? I don’t think even he knows. I’m sure after long days racketeering with his mob friends he goes home and isn’t sure whether to drink a cappuccino or vodka. Regardless, I’m sure he does go home to caress the soft stubble of his wife, since they’re all hairy over there anyway. I feel much better about myself now. I think I’m gonna head down to Chicago and hang out with Leif and make fun of old people while laughing about all of the stupid hate mail I receive about his reviews he wrote two years ago that I’m still getting people whine about today." If I wanted this website to have any credibility I wouldn’t name it the devil’s grave. People like you never cease to amaze me with your utter stupidity. I hope you get gunned down in a drug deal by Japanese Yakuza.

Well, you seem to have mastered the Caps Lock. If only you could master the locking mechanism on your dad’s shotgun so the day you realize how right we were about Cradle Of Filth, you could take care of the problem of us telling you to go kill yourself by getting the job done ahead of time. Don’t worry, you’ll only taste the lead for a brief moment, then it will all be over.

Let me see if I got this right… I am an insecure man who is desperately seeking attention, and yet you are the one sending me hate mail, knowing full well that chances are it will be posted publicly and ridiculed. You even put in the extra effort to make sure I’ll post it by adding a paragraph about a topic that angers the majority of metal heads, Christianity. I know you were probably looking for a huge long rant from me telling you how gay you are and so on and so forth, however I think I’ve already made you look like an idiot. Of course you living at home and having your mom still dress you and trim your mullet at age 35 doesn’t really help your case. At least Jesus loves you, lord knows no one else does.

I too laughed at the review of S.O.D.‘s Bigger Than The Devil. I laughed even harder at your e-mail when I realized you were occupying more of your time fucking your sister than actually reading the review. If you had pulled your head out of her rotten crotch and read the review you would have noticed that I never wrote it. You would probably have been better off focusing your rant at the author of the review, rather than the editor who couldn’t care less about who sends in what. As far as the review section, it’s only as half assed as your attempts to breed beyond the boundaries of your family tree. Just go fuck the dog, at least it has less chance of passing on your genes.

Well "Chris", I would talk shit about your "skills" but quite honestly you don’t seem to have any. For the record all of the hate mail I do reply to is backed up on my hard drive, on floppy and on CD. Anyway… why is it you sent me your address? Would you like to be penpals? We could write back and forth, share recipes, talk about boys and share various other girl talk. Wow, the more I think about it the more nifty that idea becomes. We should totally do that. Oh, wait… that’s right, you’re dyslexic and illiterate, I’m sorry… hmm… well… I could always just point at you and laugh. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA!!!!! I feel so much better now… get killed!