Teufel: Hey Don. You seem to be a busy man, you've got your band, your label, your stores and the Koshick fests. I'd first of all like to ask how Anal Blast is doing. The last album you released was Vaginal Vempyre a few years back, what has the band been doing since that time? Are you working on any new material?
Don: Well, we recorded two songs to give away on compilation CDs. We also recorded three cover songs for Dwell Records, some older school stuff, which I'm sure you'd hate Teufel, and for our last two studio issues, we will record for a split cd with Cephalic Carnage, and then do a full length called Battered Bleeding Bitch, all of this should come out in 2000, assuming I can keep my dick in my pants.

If you can't keep it in your pants, just don't wave it at me. I've heard stories about your scaly tool that seriously frighten me. What was the reasoning behind the parody of Cradle Of Filth on the last cd? Have you heard any reaction from the band or their label because of it?
Don: Well, it seemed like a good band to rip on, they always use the female imagery, and the gay spelling for vampire, so off we went with it. We have now moved 4500 Vaginal Vempyre CDs... Yea and when the band saw it, they ate it up, they were actually cool about it. It was very funny. They did an autograph thing at my store in Chicago, and they all left with copies.

Does the band plan on appearing at any of the fests this year and if so which ones?
Don: Well, I believe we are going to do Jersey, Ohio, Milwaukee, L.A., and Texas again, as far as I know that's all we have going at all, I'm sure it will be quite boring.

I'll probably be at the Ohio Fest, most likely either getting my ass kicked or passed out next to the stage again. Anyway... how do you feel about your former drummer being a member of Slipknot?
Don: Fuck Slipknot the bassist and drummer were original members in Anal Blast, and they quit. On the first demo, Puss Blood Pentagram, the bassist recorded. I haven't heard from those guys in years, and could care less if I ever do again. I mean, they're from Des Moines, Iowa. What the fuck else needs to be said? I've shit on stages, jerked off in front of men, fucked whores with vocal mikes and done every other gay drunk thing that popped into my brain and for this my reward in life is to be compared to fucking gay ass Slipknot. May their asses be filled with the semen of AIDS ridden cocks.

(laughs) I've heard that at last year's Milwaukee Metal Fest you somehow managed to talk a porn starlet into, shall we say... pleasuring herself with your microphone. What did you tell her to talk her into doing that?
Don: Well Teufel, actually the porn star kept it PG rated, it was Bridget from Orgy With Pigs, who fucked the mic in Milwaukee, and she did it in front of what is presumed to be 2000 plus on lookers. I poured beer down the nape of her fat ass, and tried to shove the mic in myself, then gave it to Britney O'Connell, who didn't seem to want to penetrate her snatch, so she had to shag herself so to speak. I have lost track of Bridget since Texas, where she raped another stripper on stage. Man what a fucking riot that gay ass shit was. We found this stripper living under the stairs at our cheap motel, and she turned out to be the booby prize (literally), I still have her drivers license, I would send it back, but nah, she can blow my short white limp dick. Gay fat cunt bag whore bitch!

(laughs) I need to meet women like that... Did the microphone smell of rotted cabbage afterwards? Did you keep the microphone and have it bronzed?
Don: Na, I was too drunk to think of smelling the mic, but she did hook me with her panties later, complete with fake cunt blood stains. They reeked of vinegar, and then she told me her boyfriend wore them for a while.

Should bloody tampons be served at fast food restaurants?
Don: Hahahaha, finally a real question deserving of my almighty attention, tampons at McVomit foods. Fucking right they should, that would rule, whores getting sick and refusing to eat there, and the ones that do have only the strongest moral fibre, woman of the church. hahahaha. Off fingering themselves in public, so they can taste how pitiful they really are. You see, the period, is not just unbred human eggs, but, its actually proof of the existence of god. See, a real god wouldn't do that shit to males, but create a sub race of stupid fat lost lipstick wearing whores to bear the burden of reproduction, so we can be drunk and watch football all fucking day long, praise god!!!!!!! What a stupid question Teufel, was the answer gay enough for you????

That was gayer than I expected. Then again I shouldn't be surprised by your poo packing penis plucking peehole pounding gayness. On a more serious note, you are one of the head honchos behind the Koshick Metal Fests popping up throughout North America. Last year there were several new festivals throughout the us. Will there be any new cities hosting Koshick fests in 2000? When will the fests for 2000 be taking place?
Don: Koshick will do jersey march 10th and 11th. Los Angeles May 19th and 20th Milwaukee the last weekend of July, and I'm not sure as to the time frame for the 2nd annual Texas Fest.

Are there any more plans for expansion in the future? Perhaps fests in Canada, Mexico or abroad?
Don: I'm not sure honestly what other expansion plans Jack Koshick. I think four fests is fairly big, considering he does lots of events a year. I think he will maybe search out other markets, when the three new fests all come together, and these things take a few years to get big.

How would you compare the festivals in north America to those in Europe?
Don: Well, I've never been to a festival in Europe, so I guess id be the wrong person to ask about that show.

As I stated earlier, you are also the owner of your own record label. What are the plans for your record label Terrorizer / Nightfall in 2000? Any new signings and upcoming releases?
Don: Well, it looks like we will be releasing another band I sang for called Malaria this year. The new Disinter is a possibility, and the two new Anal Blast projects. Not a lot other than that on the table right now.

You seem like the type of nice young man any woman would be proud to bring home to her mother. What type of an evening could a woman expect from a romantic encounter with Don Decker? Roses and wine? A stroll through the park under the moonlight?
Don: Alright, we will skip to the whore question. What do you think a charming young man like my self would have in store for a member of the opposite sex? Well, I wouldn't. Fuck them, getting drunk, verbally terrorized, put down, stunk out, and lied to, and if the fat homo bitches actually hang around, maybe they would be graced with the divine presence of my little white weasel, fall limp in there non attractive presence, and eventually, if I've been drinking beer, I'd piss on them. They like that, it makes them feel accepted, and gives them another chance to redo their makeup.

(laughs) Yea, they really only seem to get mad when you get them in the eye, only because it makes their mascara run, so they end up looking like Tammy Fae Baker. Well, thanks for the interview, Don. I'd ask more, but I can't think of much else, and I realize how annoying answering interviews can be, so I'll leave it at that. Any final words of wisdom?
Don: Yea Teufel, thanks for the interview, and I thank you dearly for your friendship and guidance in the last year or so, you truly are an icon in the underground death metal scene, if only they could all be like you, then our little scene would remain filled with mouthy back stabbing drunken assholes that destroy everything from within, that would seriously rule! Fuck you!

Oh, so pretty much the same as now then, huh? Well, fuck you too, Grimace, you hamburglering fatass. May you suffocate on your own man breasts, and may you get flesh eating disease causing your two inch penis to flake off.