Teufel: One thing I've been meaning to ask you guys ever since I first heard your CD, Drowning In Tragedy, is with regards to the bonus track. The first listen I, being a bit of a cheesy 80s movies buff, immediately recognized samples from the movie Three O'Clock High on the bonus track t.t.p. I'm curious to find out what t.t.p. stands for and why did you choose clips from movie rather than just making a regular song with vocals?
Eternal Suffering: t.t.p. stands for Tommy Tough Pants. Its about all those assholes who think they are tough when they are really just pussies. We chose the movie clips over lyrics because that movie rules.

Fuck yes! As we know the movie Three O'Clock High is basically based on a dorky kid trying to avoid getting his ass kicked by a big goon. In high school were you the dork or the goon?
Eternal Suffering: Chad was a goon and we made fun of him. Chris was a dork and we made fun of him also. Therefore, we were/are the dickheads who make fun of everybody.

Is that song your way of speaking out on the subject of goonism? Does it make you angry? Very very angry?
Eternal Suffering: You seem like a goon, so consider it a dedication. Fag. And yes, that was a gay pun but you are a fag so it's ok.

(heavy lisp) Yeth, athking that wath quite gay of me, although I take the dedication ath a compliment. Who would win in a bare knuckles brawl? The hero of Three O'Clock High or Mr. Rogers?
Eternal Suffering: First of all, it would be a bare-bottom brawl and we think that you would like to be the ref so you could be close to the action.

Yea, well, I have this cute striped shirt, and I have these nice black slacks that make my butt look magnificent, but anyway... Speaking of Mr. Rogers, I notice you used a sample of him in the intro. Were you a loyal follower of Mr. Rogers, or did you have nightmares thinking about what that lonely man must do alone late at night with those nasty looking puppets?
Eternal Suffering: We weren't followers, but I'm sure we have done far worse things with puppets than he ever did.

I know what you mean. I remember once a few years back when I was in one of my many gay bands, I ended up passing out at a party. While unconscious my band mates took stuffed animals and stuck them in my pants and wrote signs on them, like Cookie Monster saying "I like to eat cockie!" and took pictures. I think they got about three rolls of film worth. I think I've said too much... Next question. I notice in your bio it mentions you had released a CD demo entitled Remain Forever In Misery, are copies of this still available, and if so, where can people go about picking it up?
Eternal Suffering: Remain Forever In Misery shall remain forever unsold. If you want a copy, email us your address so we can beat you up for wanting such a horrible disc.

I wouldn't want to listen to it, I'm just running out of beer coasters. How much for a dozen copies? Speaking of crappy CDs, what's on the cover of Drowning In Tragedy? I can make out statues of some sort, but can't make it out clearly enough to see what it is. Was the artwork so poorly designed that you had to hide it by darkening it or was this intentional?
Eternal Suffering: The pic is actually pretty cool, but was fucked up in production. The original can be seen on our website or on our new t-shirts.

I understand you guys are going to be releasing a split with Vomit Remnants of Japan, who, in my opinion, are absolutely fucking insane live. How did you manage to get them involved in doing a split with you guys? Were you able to catch them at last year's Ohio Death Fest? They were probably the best band, performance-wise, of any of the bands I saw there... or at least that I was sober enough to remember.
Eternal Suffering: Some of us caught them in Ohio and thought they were pretty brutal. Steve Miller hooked up the split. If it sucks, blame him.

Actually, I remember speaking to him after the fest and he was basically saying Vomit Remnants were nothing special and were actually rather boring, yet he signed them up for a split anyway. I wonder what that says about you? (laughs) Speaking of the split, how many new songs are going to be featured on it and when do you expect it to be released?
Eternal Suffering: We have 5 new tracks and it will be most likely to be released in the early summer.

For a "brutal death metal" band, your lyrics are well beyond the norm of sodomizing corpses, cannibalism, satanism and all of the other cliches. The lyrics are, for the most part, painfully poetic, speaking mostly of broken hearts, betrayal and matters far more real and personal than necroticism. What inspired the lyrics and why did you choose such a serious subject matter to music laced with silly intros and sound bytes?
Eternal Suffering: Wayne has a deep interest in authors like Poe and Moliere, and it is reflected in the lyrics he writes. As far as the sodomizing of corpses and cannibalism go, we like to keep our personal lives private.

Have you guys had a chance to play many shows and will you be doing any in the near future? I'm curious as to what type of stage performance you have. Most bands I've seen either thrash like mad and play really sloppy, or stand around looking like they just took lessons on how to perform on stage from Jack Owen.
Eternal Suffering: We have played tons of shows including some big fests. Coming up we have Ohio, Montreal, and Milwaukee fests. As far as stage presence, Brian and myself kill each other, Wayne rolls around like he has caught on fire, Chris looks like Mick Mars and Chad throws his drumsticks when there is still one song left.

Have you ever seen Satan's God perform? It's a one man band, I have no idea what the hell he plays, all I know is the finale of his set is to scream "I HATE MY COCK!" and punch himself in the groin as hard as he can before walking off the stage. If an Eternal Suffering show were to go badly enough would you do that for applause, or do you have too much integrity and intelligence to mangle your mudslingers?
Eternal Suffering: Satan's God is our hero. All our shows are a tribute to him. And as far as mangling our dicks, I already permanently mutilated mine, so a groin punch is nothing.

You don't have to answer that last one, actually, I just found the phrase "mangle your mudslingers" to be funny. Anyway, I'm honestly far too retarded to think of any questions with any real substance. Any final words? Funny stories to tell about Steve "The Narcissist" Miller? If not, I can think of tons, thankfully he lives far away and I can run faster scared than he can mad, hahaha.
Eternal Suffering: We have met Steve only once in person so no real stories. And why are you afraid of a Howard Stern look alike? Thanks for the interview. It was incredibly deep and thought provoking and offered a real insight into the band. Anyone who wants to contact us for shows, merchandise, or if you are a hot chick who wants a fisting we can be reached at Sickdawg88@aol.com, GrindNOISE@aol.com and Jesusgotaids@aol.com