Malevolent Creation's Phil Fasciana is a retard

You’ve probably already heard about this, but if you haven’t, here is proof that death metal musicians are fucking retarded… (from Blabbermouth)

Guitarist Phil Fasciana of long-running Florida death metallers Malevolent Creation was reportedly involved in a bizarre shootout at a convenient store in his hometown of Ft. Lauderdale, Florida. According Fasciana, he pulled into a small store at around 3:00 p.m. Friday afternoon (July 3) to get something to drink and walked right into a robbery in progress. “I went in this little store on my way home to get a chocolate milk, of all things, and little did I know, I was walking into a life-or-death situation,” he says. “When I walked into the store, I did not notice anyone else in the store until someone started screaming at me and pointed a gun at me. I nearly shit myself, because the dude looked wacked out of his mind and fired four shots directly at me and I went down to the ground because I thought I was surely shot. After about 30 seconds, I realized I was not hit at all and the shooter thought I was dead or injured and started attacking the store worker when I snuck up behind the burglar and talked [to] him and took the gun out of his hands and told him to get out of the store. He then reached in his sock and pulled another gun out and pointed it at me and that’s when I fired two shots into his head, killing him instantly!

“Never in my life has anything so twisted happened to me before and I would like to forget it ever happened, but I had no other choice. Lucky for me, the stupid crackhead burglar had the worst aim in the world and missed me with all four shots from about 10 feet away! Needless to say, all charges have been dropped and the store owner has offered me a lifetime of chocolate milk! Ha Ha!

“I have been in some scary situations before, but having someone shoot out you from that close and miss is a fucking miracle and I have no remorse for killing the assailant who tried to take my life and the store owner’s.

“I gotta move out of this town!! I have enough problems as it is!!

“I am very lucky and could easily be dead at this moment, but I’m not and I’m gearing up for our Mexican, South American and European headlining tour which start at the end of July.

“I would like to put this behind me and not talk about it anymore. It was the most fucked up thing I have ever been involved with, besides my ex-girlfriend!!”

UPDATE: According to Phil, the entire incident was captured on the store’s surveillance video, but the police has yet to release the tape.

Sound pretty fucked up and far fetched?  It gets dumber…

“Due to the ridiculous amounts of e-mails, MySpace messages, text messages and phone calls concerning my misfortune a few days ago which resulted in someone dying, I need to straighten a few things out that have been taken out of context and are wrong about the story.

“When I walked into that store to buy something, I had no idea the store was in the middle of being robbed. I immediately felt something was wrong when I walked in, because it was very quiet and the man working behind the counter was staring at me like I was gonna rob the store. When that 80-pound homeless crackhead yelled at me and pointed his gun at me and fired four shots at me, I thought i was surely dead and had no time to react! After realizing I was not hit, I slowly crawled around to the back of the store, and while the gunman was screaming at the worker, I ran down the isle he was in and tackled him with the intention of beating the living shit out of him. I did not try approaching this man and try reasoning with him and take the gun from his hands like it was reported on Blabbermouth the other day. The guy already shot at me four times and surely would have shot at me again if he knew I was still alive and I’m not retarded enough to think I could talk my way out of that kind of situation.

“When I tackled him and starting beating the shit out of him with the dude working there, he dropped the gun and I grabbed it. I had no intention of shooting him until he reached for another gun in his sneaker and looked at me, and before he got the chance to shoot at me again, that’s when I shot him in the face two times and put an end to that whole nightmare!

“By no means am I a hero. I could have easily just ran out of the store like a pussy after realizing I was not shot and left the store worker to most likely get killed, but I was so pissed I just wanted to beat the fuck out of that loser who just tried to end my life over nothing. Anyone in my situation may have done the same thing, but nobody knows when something like that could happen to yourself or how to react just like me.

“The gunman was a homeless crackhead who was living somewhere behind the plaza the store was in and has apparently been a problem for a long time, and to this day, the police still cannot identify the man because he has no identification and nobody will come forward and tell the police who he is.

“I have a lot of personal family problems that are far worse then what I just went through and asked the police if it was possible to keep this story from getting in the press and having my dying father and grandfather have to know about something like that happening to me.

“As for the idiots who are calling me a murderer and other ridiculous things, [you] can FUCK OFF!!!! I didn’t want this to happen to me and I surely did not wake up that day knowing I was going to kill someone trying to defend myself over a fucking chocolate milk I wanted to buy from a store!

“I would appreciate some alone time and for this whole thing to blow over and stop making a big deal about what happened to me, if at all possible. Let some crackhead who is foaming at the mouth point a 45 gun at you and start shooting at you and try to imagine what you would do. You don’t think I was scared? I just couldn’t believe he didn’t hit me with at least one of the four bullets he fired directly at me.

“Needless to say, it’s over and done with and cannot be taken back, and I will have to live with that image in my head for the rest of my life, but at least I am alive and can get back on tour with my band Malevolent Creation for our Mexico, South American and European tours starting in a few weeks. Hopefully that will keep my mind off all the negative shit that is surrounding me.”

His story sounded so stupid and unbelievable that a radio station in the UK went to the effort of calling the Fort Lauderdale police department to get confirmation on the story… instead, they found out Phil is completely full of shit;

U.K.’s Rock Radio spoke to a homicide detective at the Fort Lauderdale Police Department about Malevolent Creation guitarist Phil Fasciana’s claim that he was involved in a bizarre shootout at a convenient store in Fort Lauderdale on July 3, 2009.

Commenting on Fasciana’s claims, Detective Mark Shotwell of the Fort Lauderdale Police Department told Rock Radio that he’s unable to find evidence that any such event ever took place.

“This did not happen,” Shotwell said. “Our last murder was on June 22 and Fasciana was not involved. I’m certain of this. Even if the death was a result of self-defense, it would still be classed as a homicide and investigated as such.

“All witnesses, reportees, victims and suspects are entered into a database, but the most recent entry for Fasciana is on April 1, involving him and a female in a domestic dispute.”

Rock Radio spoke to Fasciana about Detective Shotwell’s comments, and the guitarist replied: “The store where it took place isn’t considered Fort Lauderdale. What happened is true and I really don’t know how it leaked into Blabbermouth because I never told anyone about it.”

(For the record, Fasciana’s original statement was sent to BLABBERMOUTH.NET from one of two separate e-mail accounts that Phil has confirmed that he is in control of. BLABBERMOUTH.NET did not edit Fasciana’s comments except for clarity and no other person contributed to the story.)

But Shotwell explained: “There are about 15 suburbs near Fort Lauderdale, but all murders use the Broward County Medical Examiner’s office for autopsies — mandatory in a homicide. There have been no murders in the entire county during July.

“Homeless crackheads would trade a gun as soon as they got it and I’ve never seen one with two guns. And the scenario as described would have made headlines — even in Miami.”

Fasciana’s final word on the matter (as told to Rock Radio): “This is the second time I was involved in the death of a homeless man. Me and a friend were driving, completely sober, about six years ago, and a homeless drunk dude ran into the street. We ran him over and killed him with several witnesses. I’m flipped out over this and many near-death experiences I have had living in this shithole Fort Lauderdale.”

So how does Phil respond to being called on his bullshit? By having a hissy fit.

“Concerning this idiotic debate over my involvement in an attempted robbery and shootout, I wish everyone would believe it is not true and leave me the fuck alone.

“For all the retards who hide behind a computer all day at mommy’s house and talk shit about rumors on Blabbermouth and other heavy metal-related websites, you need to get a life!!!! Get out of the house and maybe someone will try robbing and shooting you one day!!!! Then I would like to hear your reaction!!!

“I never posted or told anyone but my brother about what happened to me afterwards. Why would I post something that horrible on Blabbermouth or anywhere on the Internet and have people know what I had just gone through? I found out by friends a day later that they read that news about on Blabbermouth. Why and who posted, I have no idea and it has nothing to do with music or my band, so why it would be on a website that is and used to be about finding out information about heavy metal bands and the news concerning the bands that have news to release about there bands future happenings and releases. Now it is just a big gossip column for people who have no life and talk shit about people.”

(For the record, Fasciana’s latest e-mail was sent to BLABBERMOUTH.NET from the same e-mail address as the original message which contained the details of the alleged shooting incident. Phil subsequently confirmed to BLABBERMOUTH.NET that he is, in fact, in control of this e-mail account.)

“This is the second incident I have been involved with that resulted in someone dying in South Florida and I’m glad they both were not glorified in the news and press.

“A few years ago me and a friend were driving on a very busy street in Ft. Lauderdale when a drunk homeless man ran into the street and we ran him down and killed him and there was no way to avoid it. It was in the afternoon with many witnesses, and when the police arrived, we told them what happened and let us leave and that was the end of story!!! Me and my friend were mortified and there was no news about it or information given to us afterwards at anytime.

“South Florida has bigger problems then homeless people robbing liquor stores and small corner stores with hopes of getting caught to go to jail purposely so they have a home for a few days!!!

“My mother was robbed at gunpoint after leaving work and trying to make a money deposit after her work day and got robbed for over $25,000 of the store she manages money and never got any justice and there was no news or anything done for her.

“Two of my good friends were gunned down in a Denny’s restaurant parking lot and killed for no reason and nothing was done or had any news about what happened to them and that is heavy shit!!!!

“Believe what you idiots want!!! This whole incident is as dead to me as the fool who tried killing me!!!!! This is why I haven’t gone to Blabbermouth for music news a few years ago. There is hardly any music-related news. If someone in a band has a hangnail or stubbed their toe, it is reported on Blabbermouth and people shit-talk about it.

“Some of you people need to get a real life. When something horrible or tragic happens to someone or someone’s family that can create problems and drama, most people would like to keep that news out of press just like me. Because of retards that have nothing better to do than spread rumors and news, it’s too late for me to have my family not know about what happened to me and has caused even more problems for me and my family.

“And for the record, the robbery and shootout didn’t happen in Ft. Lauderdale!! So there is some more wrong info for you idiots to debate about.

“I have been in jail and arrested for many stupid things while living in South Florida and I never got to make the news down here and I’m glad!!!! As I’m sure many other people who have been involved with tragic or embarrassing incidents that got them involved or in trouble would like it as well.

“Believe what you want!!! I’m going to band practice!!!! I have a life!!!”

Congratulations, Phil, your Darwin award is in the mail.

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