Apparently Satyricon have signed with Roadrunner Records and are set to release their new album on November 3rd. Why, I have no fucking idea. Here’s the story from Blabbermouth:

Norwegian black metal band SATYRICON has set The Age Of Nero as the title of its new album, due on November 3 via Roadrunner Records. The CD was recorded in part at Sound City studios in Van Nuys, California, where METALLICA recently recorded its forthcoming LP. A European headlining tour will follow beginning on November 12 in Stavanger, Norway and ending in Hamburg, Germany on December 20. Opening all shows will be up-and-coming UK thrashers EVILE.

When asked about the involvement of producer Joe Barresi (TOOL, QUEENS OF THE STONE AGE) in SATYRICON‘s new CD, the group’s vocalist Sigurd “Satyr” Wongraven recently told Norway’s VG newspaper, “Joe has been a technician on practically the whole project. There might have been some misunderstandings in the Norwegian media about his role — it is me who is the producer; Joe’s role is to know which buttons to push to create the sound that I want.”

Speaking about the first time he played the new album for Roadrunner, Satyr said, “I had nothing to say to them. I just played the album loud, and thought that if they they don’t like it, it’s their problem. I am so sure about what we have done this time that I don’t think about changing a single thing. The door is closed, and we are so much on the right path, that we are not turning other left or right on this. But they thought it was really good.”

SATYRICON will support CRADLE OF FILTH on a North American tour in January/February.

Since when does Roadrunner sign metal bands? I guess this is a step towards regaining credibility among metal fans after abandoning the genre in the mid-90s, but… Satyricon fucking suck, so I don’t see how this helps the label at all in any regard. I can hardly wait to not listen to this. I won’t even waste the effort to steal it. Ugh…

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No Escape Records announced today that they will be re-issuing Spanish goregrinders Gruesome Stuff Relish’s Razorback releases.

September will see the twitching corpses of Gruesome Stuff Relish’s two full lengths rise from their sodden and maggot-ridden resting places with 2 doses of Trioxin administered by No Escape’s unskilled and unlicensed practitioners of medical quackery and back-alley voodoo.

This Spanish trio has been performing cannibalistic ritual sacrifices and resurrection ceremonies for the past 8 years and have mastered the ancient art of morbid and malicious old school goregrind, and to cement the band’s legacy, their 2002 debut album Teenage Giallo Grind and their 2008’s Horror Rises From The Tomb will both be reissued by No Escape Records with added bonus material to feed the undead legions’ ravenous appetite for carnage and bloodshed!

This is kind of a weird move, considering Horror Rises From The Tomb was only just released in March. I guess there’s some reasoning behind it. Either way, both discs are great and worth picking up if you haven’t already.

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I can’t even make up something this ridiculous. Blabbermouth reports:

Actress and philanthropic fashion designer Christina Fulton has announced her engagement to Stian Thoresen, also known as Shagrath, frontman for the Norwegian black metal band DIMMU BORGIR. The couple will wed in a private sunset ceremony on September 20, 2008, at the world-renowned Prekestolen in Norway.

“Fate brought the two together. It’s absolute romance in its purest form, a fairy tale of a king and queen,” said Fulton’s son, Weston Coppola Cage, who will be giving away the bride. Cage’s father, actor Nicolas Cage, will attend the ceremony, along with celebrity participants Rob Zombie, Jim Carrey, Patricia Arquette, and Marla Maples.

Christina Fulton, Stian Thoresen, and Weston Coppola Cage are currently in Sweden where Cage is recording the debut album of his black metal band EYES OF NOCTUM at Studio Fredman with acclaimed producer Fredrik Nordström (DIMMU BORGIR, IN FLAMES, HAMMERFALL). Norwegian drummer Hellhammer (MAYHEM, DIMMU BORGIR) and Swedish multi-instrumentalist Snowy Shaw (THERION, DREAM EVIL, KING DIAMOND, MERCYFUL FATE, MEMENTO MORI, NOTRE DAME) have recorded guest appearances on the CD, which will be released through Morbid Rose Records, a label managed by Fulton.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! Wow… way to pound that crusty plastic vag! The best part is he’s going to be Nicolas Cage’s emo goth kid’s step daddy, hahahahahaha… I’m going to be laughing about this for weeks.

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More man crying involved as Celtic Frost disbands, according to Blabbermouth.

Former CELTIC FROST and current TRIPTYKON frontman Tom Gabriel Fischer has issued the following update:

“The intense rain outside continues unabated, and, far in the distance, the torn, grey clouds merge with the earth, obscuring any hint of a horizon. A fitting scenery to a final act of ignominy. I attended seven and a half funereal hours of meetings yesterday, initially with CELTIC FROST/TRIPTYKON manager Antje Lange, then including Martin Eric Ain and CELTIC FROST‘s accountant, to discuss in detail the dissolution of most of CELTIC FROST‘s business arrangements and the distribution of the group’s remaining assets. What an infinitely doleful and emotionally draining undertaking, and one I did not ever wish to witness. And yet one that was probably unavoidable.”

Fischer announced his departure from CELTIC FROST in April, citing “the irresolvable, severe erosion of the personal basis so urgently required to collaborate within a band so unique, volatile, and ambitious.”

Gayest. Press release. Ever. “I attended seven and a half funereal hours of meetings yesterday…” who the fuck talks like that? Seriously? Dude, you play way too many hours of Dungeons & Dragons, go outside, spend some time in the sun, get a tan, you fucking old dork. I remember when Celtic Frost and Hellhammer were evil… fuck! Grow some balls!

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Earlier it was revealed that Gorgoroth frontman Gaahl loves the cock, which is fine, whatever, more pussy for the rest of us, I just didn’t realize that, like his cross, his cock inverted and he’s hiding behind his strong, handsome lawyers. From Blabbermouth:

The Gaahl-fronted version of the Norwegian black metal band GORGOROTH has issued the following update:

“The Swedish appeal courts (Hovretten in Malmö) have upheld the earlier decision by authorities at Tingretten in the matter concerning Regain Records unauthorized release of [GORGOROTH's] True Norwegian Black Metal – Live in Grieghallen.

“Regain Records has once again been found in violation of copyrights and agreements made with Gaahl and King [bass] and is ordered to cease distribution of this release.”

Live in Grieghallen was released in June via Regain. According to a press release, the CD was recorded live at Grieghallen in Bergen, Norway by Eirik “Pytten” Hundvin and features Infernus on bass and guitar, Gaahl on vocals, and Garghuf on drums.

Live in Grieghallen was mixed and mastered by Nico Elgstrand (ENTOMBED) and features all the GORGOROTH “essential songs” from the band’s back catalog performed live.

On October 21, 2007, GORGOROTH guitarist Infernus posted a message on the band’s MySpace page that said, “I am writing to inform you about the fact that there has been taken a decision to split up the band, Infernus on one side, Gaahl and King on the other. We cannot continue working together any longer. What is still not agreed upon is who rightfully gets to keep the band’s name. Since this will be a question of legal affairs, I am afraid this might take time to get sorted out. I am sorry for that.”

On December 13, Regain announced it would back Infernus, saying it “recognizes Infernus as the rightful owner of the band’s name, logo, and trademark, and is prepared to take any legal steps necessary to prevent any third party from exploiting it, artistically and commercially.”

“It is a matter of principles for us. Infernus started the band and has been the spine of GORGOROTH since 1992,” Per Gyllenbäck, Regain’s label manager, told Revolver magazine. “Also, looking on the contractual side of things, we have an agreement signed with GORGOROTH and it is signed solely by Infernus. The other part of GORGOROTH has given Infernus a written ‘power of attorney’ to negotiate and close deals on their behalf.”

Unbeknownst to Infernus or Regain, King had filed paperwork to trademark the name and logo for GORGOROTH in September 2007. On December 19, Gorgoroth.org (now under the control of King and Gaahl) reported that Patentstyret, Norway’s patent office, had awarded ownership of the band’s name and logo to King and Gaahl.

“The battle is over,” Gaahl told Revolver.

“Neither I nor Gaahl is thinking about it at all at this point,” King added. “It’s over. It’s all over. The only thing he has left is to use the name to create some kind of confusion, but for the record label, everything is gone. We own the trademark. They can’t use it. Infernus can’t use it.” Infernus has vowed to challenge the legality of King’s trademark. “I have lawyers and label support for [challenging the patent office],” Infernus told Revolver. “Time will tell who is right and who is wrong. That’s a promise.”

20 years ago an argument like this would have been settled with battle axes at dawn. Where’s Varg when you need him? Oh yeah… he’s also getting buttfucked for handling things that way. Nevermind.

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Relapse Records has announced that the popular Slimewave 7" series is going to be released on CD.

Relapse Records will issue a CD release of the entire SLIMEWAVE 7″ series with exclusive bonus material on September 2nd (September 8th internationally).

The SLIMEWAVE series was a collection of six limited edition split 7” releases from twelve of the sickest and most extreme bands in the metal/grind underground. Artists included in the series include recent Relapse signees MUMAKIL as well as INHUME, MACHETAZO, TOTAL FUCKING DESTRUCTION, CRIPPLE BASTARDS, SUBLIME CADAVERIC DECOMPOSITION, ANTIGAMA, ROT, JAPANISCHE KAMPFHORSPIELE, BATHTUB SHITTER, XXX MANIAK, and THROATPLUNGER.

The SLIMEWAVE CD will include all 44 of the tracks released via the 7”s as well as previously unreleased material from ANTIGAMA, CRIPPLE BASTARDS, MACHETAZO, SUBLIME CADAVERIC DECOMPOSITION, and TOTAL FUCKING DESTRUCTION.

How the fuck is vinyl not obsolete yet? Why do people even bother continuing to collect that shit? It’s 2008, technology has advanced to the point where I can take thousands of albums and stick it into a little box that can fit in my pocket where I can take it with me anywhere. A vinyl collection takes up space… and lots of it! I know a lot of people collect vinyl because they like having something to look at… buy a fucking poster! Jesus Christ, you fucking hippies need to cut your hair and get a goddamn job!

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This news is a bit dated, but still definitely worth mentioning… Obituary are releasing a new EP and touring the US in September! From the band’s website:

September 16, 2008 is the offical release date for our new Left To Die EP. I think you guys are gonna really like this, it is a completely sick EP. It is really good timing too, the first show of our 2008 U.S. Tour is September 16 in Atlanta, GA!!! Looking forward to it!

The tour is Obituary, Unleashed and Carnifex. Fuck! I wish that tour was hitting Vancouver! If this tour hits your city and you don’t go, you’re officially a gaylord!

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Japanese black metal. Tribute to Venom. Musical contributions by Shane Embury and Danny Lilker. Trumpets. I really don’t have anything else to say about this story.

Japanese experimental black metallers SIGH have issued the following update:

“SIGH are looking for a trumpet player who could contribute the next album. If you play the trumpet or you know somebody who could help us with it, please send us a message. If you can record the trumpet parts at your house and send us them in .wav files, that’ll be perfect! We’re looking forward to hearing from you!”

The End Records has set September 2, 2008 release date for the upcoming SIGH A Tribute to Venom CD.

The six-song tribute to legendary black metal band VENOM features the bass work of Dan Lilker (BRUTAL TRUTH, NUCLEAR ASSAULT) and Shane Embury (NAPALM DEATH, VENOMOUS CONCEPT).

Commented SIGH singer Mirai Kawashima: “We’re excited to have these two guest musicians and friends of SIGH to take part in our tribute to VENOM. Their work has helped make the tracks stand out even more. Dan plays bass on "Countess Bathory" while Shane is on "Witching Hour". It sounds awesome!”

SIGH is preparing to record its eighth full-length album, entitled Scenes from Hell / Tempore Belli / Vanitas. SIGH will work with a real string quartet and some brass players on the CD, which is scheduled for release this fall on The End Records.

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