Whenever I write reviews, I generally feel like a bitter grade school teacher preparing to grade little Johnny’s test. You see, little Johnny isn’t a very bright kid, in fact, little Johnny seems to enjoy eating paste, he wears his mittens in class and still hasn’t learned which foot goes in which shoe, let alone how to tie them… and little Johnny is 9 years old! I just always feel like, with some bands, I know to leave the smiley face stickers in the desk and that my red marker is all I’ll need to tackle this task. In this instance, Aborted is little Johnny. As I sit here with red marker in hand, preparing to write the big fat "F" I’m accustomed to writing, I pause, maybe I’ve just been sitting here with the cap off of the pen for too long and am starting to get high from the fumes, but it looks like… like maybe big red may not be needed too much today. For the first time, while listening to an Aborted release I am not completely overwhelmed with a feeling of great boredom, it seems as though they may have actually begun to listen to what I’ve been preaching, at least a little bit, because I’m finding myself kind of… digging this. Granted, there are only 2 new songs, an Entombed cover, a re-recording of an older song and some live tracks, but this material, recorded shortly after their last full length offering, Goremageddon: The Saw And The Carnage Done, is actually pretty damn catchy. They seem to have put a lot more effort into songwriting this time around than in the past, as the structure of the actual songs flows much better, and I don’t feel like I’m listening to a clone anymore. The Haematobic finally contains an Aborted track I can sit through and actually want to listen to again in "Voracious Haemoglobinic Syndrome", which is an incredibly catchy tune, which is actually pretty well written. The cover of Entombed’s "Drowned" is a good one and more than does the band justice. The other new track, "Gestated Rabidity" and the "new version" of a track from their Purity Of Perversion full length, entitled "The Sanctification Of Refornication", don’t really catch my attention at all. My problem with most material by Aborted is that they tend to ruin all of their songs by including one segment of music in each song where the drummer just starts blasting, for no reason, with the processed-sounding vocals on top and the muffled guitar sound somewhere in the middle which just drones on for far too long. To me, it just comes off as a wall of indiscernible noise, and quickly bores the shit out of me, but, thankfully on at least two of the tracks they limited it to the point where it doesn’t become annoying, which was a nice surprise. The live tracks, once again, sound like they were recorded with the microphone in the toilet in the men’s room with someone dropping off the Cosby kids at the pool. I just seriously don’t understand why bands would willingly release live songs on an album if it just sounds like shit. Spend an hour or two in the studio playing around with it, try cleaning it up, or just don’t bother releasing it. The goal is to entice people into coming out and seeing your band perform live, listening to this just makes me want to stay at home in bed with a pillow over my head. Other than that, on the whole, The Haematobic really isn’t as bad as I was expecting, and I was a little surprised to hear a couple of tracks I genuinely liked. Though little Johnny’s paper is still covered in red X’s, he’s done just enough to earn himself a sticker and a "B". For diehard Aborted fans, there’s enough here to keep you entertained as well, as the release also includes four live videos and a music video, which I honestly never bothered watching, but then again I’ve seen more than enough of sweaty men writhing around in my lifetime, just on this release I don’t think any of them are covered in baby oil… and for your sakes, I certainly hope not.

Written By: Teufel