From looking at the cover of The Switch To Turn Off Mankind, I didn’t hold out much hope for Audiopain. The cover screams METALCORE in heavily Photoshopped, badly-cropped letters. The lyrics are printed an almost unreadable dark-grey-on-black, and the hype attached to this band (Metal Maniacs compares Audiopain to ‘Slaughter and Bonded-era Exodus,’ so they just have to be good) is not insubstantial. I don’t care what anyone says, sometimes your first impression is the best one. Audiopain managed to exceed my expectations by being even shittier than I thought they were going to be.

Let’s start with the vocals. Sverre Dæhli reminds me a bit of Renae Betts from Skarp. Unfortunately, Sverre Dæhli is a man. Renae Betts can also do more than one vocal styling, and Skarp aren’t even that great. Seriously, when I copied the latest batch of promos Teufel sent onto my MiniDisc player (I bought it for $40 as a close-out item, shut up) I thought Dæhli had gone for a clean vocal approach on one song. Turns out that the disc had bled over to a Jex Thoth album. Even ignoring the fact that Dæhli sounds like a woman, he’s monotonous as hell.

Strangely enough, this isn’t the main problem with The Switch To Turn Off Mankind. This album is repetitive at every level. Every song recycles its chosen riffs, fills and bridges. Aside from the first song "Hellbound", every song on The Switch To Turn Off Mankind is unengaging, almost literally cookie-cutter neo-thrash. Even "Hellbound" goes green - environmentalism being quite the marketing tool lately - with its reuse and recycling of riffs, but at least that song sounds a little more energetic. Add the shitty vocals and Audiopain really live up to their name. This album is twenty-seven minutes long, yet seems longer every time I listen to it. I’ll give Dæhli credit for the band name being an accurate reflection of the contents of their music.

Fenriz from Darkthrone endorses Audiopain with the bumper-sticker slogan ‘Support Audiopain, not Audioslave!’ The irony of a member of an ‘uncommercial’ black metal band plumping for another band’s product aside, I’d actually choose Audioslave over Audiopain. Audioslave may be commercially popular and thus easy targets for those tr00 kvlt metalheads out there, but at least I know I’ll get something that’ll sound a bit like Soundgarden and mid-1990s alternative rock. All I get from Audiopain is shitty thrash, an album title that Cracked wouldn’t bother making fun of (’THE SWITCH TO TURN OFF MY CD PLAYER! THE ALBUM TO TURN OFF MANKIND! NOW HERE’S THE SEVEN WORST SYLVESTER STALLONE MOVIES EVER’) and a five-inch beer coaster.

As an added bonus, check out some of the interviews Sverre Dæhli’s given. He actually described "Cobra Dance" as a song about how evil women are. It’s like Audiopain are the Norwegian thrash version of Spinal Tap.

Written By: The Ultimate Mark