Austrian Death Machine is the side project of As I Lay Dying’s Tim Lambesis. Total Brutal sounds like the sort of album a ’serious’ band would write to amuse themselves. Naturally, Metal Blade has to give Total Brutal a wide release and hype it somewhat, as that’s just common sense.

Why did Metal Blade release this? I know that label’s all up its own bung about As I Lay Dying, but people shouldn’t have to buy Tim Lambesis’ every burp, fart and nocturnal emission. Hell, Austrian Death Machine features one of Lambesis’ farts at the end of “Not So Hidden Track.” This album allows me to actually justify my statement, Total Brutal is that fucking sad.

The music Austrian Death Machine play is, naturally, metalcore. I have never listened to As I Lay Dying so I can’t compare the main band to the side project, but Total Brutal is generic metalcore to a tee. It’s not hard to picture the ganked Swedish death metal clichés, bunged-on hardcore part and amazingly out-of-place guitar solos. That’s ignorable, as I do most bands of this nature.

The joke part of Total Brutal is what really kills me. I like a few joke metal bands, and the best piss off dumb-ass scenesters while still sounding credible as metal. BlöödHag write about science-fiction authors and come from the hardcore scene, yet they pull off their gimmick with some conviction. Half of the tracks on Total Brutal feature a bad Arnold impersonator dabbling in jokes that Hee Haw would find corny, while the song lyrics are just repeated lines from Schwarzenegger films. Are Austrian Death Machine trying to make fun of brutal death metal or are they just goofing around? Either way, I don’t care. Austrian Death Machine are like Dethklok except that I’ve found the non-music part of Metalocalypse funny, Brendon Small being an actual comedian and all.

If I can paraphrase Arnold Schwarzenegger’s quote from Pumping Iron, listening to Total Brutal is not a great feeling…like coming, but coming continuously. In this case, Austrian Death Machine are coming continuously into my ear. Maybe the brain damage resulting from that causes people to think Total Brutal is not shit. The world would be better off watching Conan the Barbarian and ignoring this waste of aluminum and plastic.

Written By: The Ultimate Mark