Ya know, I don’t think it matters at this point whether or not Bondage Goat Zombie sucks or kicks ass. I don’t think your average metal fan will care if Belphegor is continuing its streak of solid, pummeling demonic death metal. I don’t think most metal fans will care if this is Belphegor or Aeon or Six Feet Under or Dream Theater or even fucking Europe.

Why? Because the album is Bondage Goat Zombie. Bondage FUCKING Goat CUNTING Zombie.

Bondage Goat Zombie makes absolutely no fucking sense. Yet, it is easily, hands-down, the greatest nonsensical album title in the history of the fucking universe. Seriously, would you rather throw on an album called None So Vile or an album called Bondage Goat Zombie. The former sounds like a brutal death metal album; the latter sounds like it will either get you laid in the kinkiest ways possible or at least give you an interesting story to tell about why someone would fuck a reanimated goat in fetish latex. Frankly I’ll take the latter over lonely masturbating to the former.

Nevertheless, there is death metal to be had on Bondage Goat Zombie (seriously, this title rules) and it is indeed good. Belphegor, as we last left them on the also nonsensically-titled Pestapokalypse VI (Six? What happened to the first five pestapokalypses? …Yes, I do realize it’s their sixth studio album. SHUTUP!), is still throwing around the snaking Middle Eastern melodies in their riffing reminiscent of Nile and recent Behemoth outings. Frankly, having jumped from their early first two full lengths directly into the last two, I was disappointed to see Belphegor implementing that influence, feeling that it severely deteriorated their already-established, patented sense of brutality. And I’m sure most will agree with me that Blutsabbath and The Last Supper beat the crap out of them. Thankfully, Bondage Goat Zombie (tee-hee-hee-hee!) is a revitalization of Belphegor’s song writing. Belphegor is able to take that melodic, Egyptian/Sumerian influence in the riffing and work it to their advantage, playing the melody much more subtly and focusing on their own individual brutality yet again. The Nile/Behemoth influence is still very noticeably there, but it’s much more tasteful this time around. And the songs are fucking awesome: I’m pretty sure that before you get down and retardedly brutal with "Shred for Sathan" that you could probably convince a chick to fuck to "Sexdictator Lucifer".

Jesus, even the slower, rhythmic songs have fucking awesome, retarded names.

If you’ve enjoyed Belphegor so far, Bondage Goat Zombie will entertain you even more. If you haven’t picked up Belphegor, Bondage Goat Zombie is a much more solid effort than recent efforts and worth a look. And if you have absolutely no interest in this style of death metal… you know you’ll still pick it up, just to say "I own Bondage Goat Zombie. Who wants to touch me?"

And they all will. They will all want to touch you. Right in your private spot. Written By: Necro-tron