100% CRAPPY MOUNTAIN HOMO-GRIND! After reading a fucking HILARIOUS biographical review of Exhumed on Relapse’s website, which contained hundreds of gore allusions, death metal epithets and deathrash song titles — and absolutely NO FUCKING INFORMATION about what the band really sounds like — I’ve decided to do a similar review (but strongly fucking negatory) of another Relapse outfit, Cephalic Carnage, and their most recent release, Exploiting Dysfunction. As follows: combining blowhard sub-bass hyperblasts, shwaggy dirtweed mega-riffs, out-of-work-carni percussion, foreskin- shredding vocal hydro-terror, and lame gimmicky samples, Cephalic Carnage masturbate their weeded way through 420 ultra-weak cuts of pure Crappy Mountain Homo-Grind Transvestite Noise Terror! But seriously folks, there’s hope for these "headfuckingly heavy hydro-terrorists," summed up in a simple 3-step plan of mine: 1.) stop lacing your mary j. blige w/ goofy dust; 2.) get laid; 3.) get the samfuck outta Colorado. I give these lovable bastards 3 toomies: one for their chuckle-emoting cover pic, one for their continuous emphasis on marijuana, one for their band name (though ‘Phallic Carnage’ seems more appropriate,) and one for their laughable-yet-campily-skittish creativity (OH MY GOD! THAT’S FOUR!).

Written By: Nameless Dread