You know it’s time to throw in the towel when your band’s imitators can outdo your own band while wearing blindfolds and having their dicks sucked off by a toothless crack whore. And that’s the stage Children of Bodom have been at for the last several albums. Imitators Kalmah and Norther both run circles around the band, and similar melodic death metal acts like early Omnium Gatherum and Inhumanity-era Mors Principium Est stand on the sidelines giggling at the homosexual overtones emitted by all the participants involved, themselves included.

Somehow this doesn’t stop Children of Bodom from releasing yet another sleep-inducing bore fest of sexuality-questioning, useless shredding and ridiculously overblown keyboards. Blooddrunk is an exercise in vapid song writing. The shredding, while plentiful, is entirely phoned in. The vocals are half-assed, and the riffs and keyboards themselves lack any origin-

Wait, what the fuck is that?

………………………………OH MY FUCKING GOD………………………………

That’s it. He’s fucking with us. Alexi Laiho is fucking with us. Why? See that song called "One Day You Will Cry"? Notice anything… familiar? Now, Children of Bodom has ripped off other artists before (notably Dissection), but this even I didn’t expect. Children of Bodom ripped off "Chocolate Rain". YES, THAT "CHOCOLATE RAIN". Children of Bodom based a song around the stupid Tay Zonday song. At least I think that’s it. Wait, let me bring it up on Youtube…

…yep, that’s definitely "Chocolate Rain". Or damn near close enough for practical purposes. Well, fuck me. I’m listening to a Children of Bodom reworking of "Chocolate Rain". Fuck you, Alexi Laiho.

Seriously, fuck every single asshole that listens to Children of Bodom. Fuck Children of Bodom’s label. Fuck every radio station abroad that gives them air play. And a special "Fuck You" goes out to Alexi "Why Do I Look Like a Girl?" Laiho.

The only people who like Children of Bodom are people too chicken shit to listen to real death metal, too stupid to differentiate between quality shredding and vacuous filler, and too fucking in denial to accept their homosexuality and listen to real power metal. (Yeah, I’m talking to you faggots out there that think this shit is power metal. Stop lying to yourselves. This has fuck-all to do with the genre outside of keyboards, and even the gayest karaoke rendition of Gamma Ray’s "Heart of the Unicorn" is more respectable than this crap.) If you like this filth, contract ebola; you’re God damn hopeless.

Review byNecro-tron