Deathevokation & Kingdom (Pol) & Mandatory (Ger) Altar Of The Old Skulls

Genre:Old School Death MetalFormat:CDTracks:15 Label:Obliteration / Time Before Time RecordsYear:2007

Being a pretty typical male, I was pretty psyched to receive a 3-way to review.   After all, who among us isn’t interested in a good 3-way?   Unfortunately, many of us do get to a certain point in life where a 3-way can only result in:   the complete emptying of a bank account, arrest by the local vice squad and/or a messy divorce.

So unfortunately, this 3-way will require you to keep your pants on and focus on the 2007 three way split Altar Of The Old Skulls by Deathevokation, Kingdom, and Mandatory. However, in the spirit of all things Male, we’ll equate the performances of these bands to our imaginary orgy.   And, if you decide you don’t want to keep your pants on, I really don’t want to know the details.

We start off with fucking Deathevokation – see how this can work?   Deathevokation is the classic girl that you love to get naked with.   Well-executed and sophisticated with enough energy to keep you excited, Deathevokation offers 5 tracks of quality death metal.   The band plays crushing riffs that alternate nicely with some more dynamic interludes. The songs build to a peak, kind of like the girl next door who takes a little time to get warmed up but is definitely worth the ride.   The vocals of Götz Vogelsang have a bit of an Amon Amarth feel to them at times, which is a good thing.   This is old school death metal played with intensity but also with variation.   Deathevokation is the girl that you’d fuck again and again and actually wouldn’t mind having a relationship with.   With only 5 songs, my only minor complaint is I wish there were a few more tracks by these guys.

Next up from Germany, we have Mandatory. Mandatory happens to be the fat chick that you’ll take home and fuck but never admit to your friends that you’ve done so.   You’ll want her to leave as soon as the first crack of sunlight comes through the window in the morning.   While not terrible, the performance in comparison to Deathevokation and Kingdom sounds sloppy and directionless.   The vocals of Stefan Steinhaus come across as flat and are actually even annoying at times.  The guitar lines are pretty standard and uninspiring. Like the fat chick you’ve taken home, Mandatory will give you some short-term pleasure – it’s listenable, after all – but it’s pretty unmemorable and will leave you wanting something a bit more substantial.

Last is Poland’s Kingdom, who is completely at the other end of the scale.   This is  the girl at the end of the bar that you want to take home but probably never will.   She’s wild, exciting, and will probably let you have your way with her without hesitation.   With a style from vocalist Lewan that shifts from low gutturals to insanely manic high-pitched shrieks without notice, Kingdom is the girl that spits your cock out of her mouth just long enough to scream “now put it in my ass!” at the top of her lungs.   Or, if you’re lucky – vice versa. With blast beats, mid-paced riffs and some cool song titles (“Arrival Of The Goat,” “Final Carnage Of Worms”) their performance is unpredictable and just plain fun to listen to.

So there you have it – the Piledriver musical 3-way.   While not an instant classic, the album overall is definitely a good listen and worth picking up if you like old-style death metal, and really – who the fuck doesn’t???

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