For the past couple of years it seems as though everyone has been dipping themselves balls-deep into Decapitated praising them as being one of the most innovative and exciting death metal bands in years. All I can say is, I guess it’s a good thing that it’s the praise the fans are filling them balls deep with, unfortunately the same cannot be said for their uncles, but I’ll get into that at a different time. As you can probably tell, I don’t get the hype surrounding the band. To me they’ve always been mediocre musicians, subpar songwriters and Teletubily cute. Does their latest full length effort, The Negation sway my opinion? Nope. I need to lay this down using small words for the average Decapitated fan to comprehend, give me a moment… *ponders* Okay… I think I’ve got it, here goes; Decapitated no good. Decapitated sound like Vader. Decapitated no learn how write song. Ooga booga! I could not believe it when I went looking around online at the reviews for this album and saw the terms "groundbreaking" and "astounding". What the fuck? Are you 3 years old? Whoever the fuck things ripping off Vader and mixing in some Morbid Angel and newer Cannibal Corpse is groundbreaking deserves to be taken behind a shed and gang raped by the neighborhood pedophiles. You seriously have no idea how much I want to punch you in the face and leave you in a pool of your own teeth and blood. I’ll give the band the respect due to them, they do know how to play their instruments, but they do NOT know how to write a decent song, fuck, these kids don’t even know how to write an original riff, yet alone write a song with material of their own that actually doesn’t reek of ass. Am I the only human being on the face of the planet who realizes what a joke Decapitated is? I’m serious! If you own the disc, put it in the stereo now. Okay, now press play. Close your eyes. Now pretend someone at the press department at Metal Blade Records just told you five seconds before you pressed play that they were going to get you to listen to the new Vader album and that it was "groundbreaking" and "astounding", and then, the music that filtered through the speakers was The Negation. If you didn’t know it was Decapitated you would swear it was Vader mixed with a bit more Morbid Angel (like they even need to rip off Morbid Angel even more) and Cannibal Corpse, including a bit more of a Corpsegrinder-ish bark, and you know what? Vader, Cannibal Corpse and Morbid Angel haven’t written a decent album since members of Decapitated were getting molested behind the groundskeepers shed at the preschool they attended. That should give you a pretty fucking clear indication that Decapitated actually is a whole lotta boring. If you don’t get it yet, just close your eyes again, put The Negation in the stereo once again, press play, once again, now relax, place a loaded handgun in your hand, press the tip of the barrel against your temple, now pretend the cold steel you feel pressed against your forehead is really your lover’s penis, cock the hammer and pretend the click of the bullet entering the chamber is his balls smacking your chin, then pull the trigger and, well, that’s really the last thing you’ll hear and hopefully you’ll be dead and I can move on to tearing apart the next shitty band that everyone is raving about for no good reason.

Written By: Teufel