Holy shit, this is a major improvement by Despised Icon. After a shittastic turn for the worse into mediocre deathcore on their split with Bodies in the Gears of the Apparatus and their disappointing second full length The Healing Process, I had totally given up on the once promising Despised Icon. But on the first track into The Ills of Modern Man, we’re seeing great structure and technical chops with a newly reinvigorated sense of energy. Holy crap, Batman, I think Despise Icon finally learned their lesson-

BERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!

Oh fuck. GOD FUCKING DAMMIT.

Sorry folks, spoke too soon. This is a colossal piece of shit. I wasn’t lying on what I said above, but right when you get to the last parts of "In the Arms of Perdition" the entire album simply falls apart. That once awesome opening track breaks into the most retarded, dimwitted, useless, direction-less hardcore breakdowns ever to be heard on a metal record. Yepper, Despised Icon learned nothing at all.

And that’s the problem with The Ills of Modern Man: there’s a phenomenal record just screaming to get out, like a closeted gay man at an international male stripper convention. But for every inventive riff, every awesome segue or element, there is a blazingly mongoloid breakdown slapping its proverbial cock in the listener’s face. A big, limp cock swinging around in a sock that is damp with menstrual discharge, smearing the listener’s face with a vile concoction of female fluid. What makes it worse is the ridiculously poor vocal performance: the dual approach is made impotent between a ball-less hardcore-tinged vocalist and a mediocre growler who sometimes sounds like he’s just idly making guttural noises aside from his own lyrical delivery. What’s worse is the guttural component is so bad that I’ve heard pitch-shifted vocals that sounded more natural and effective than this. Fuck.

Imagine you went to the bar and found one of the most devastatingly beautiful women you have ever seen in your life. Utterly awesome, with some of the best tits you’ve ever seen. And you, being a sly bastard, managed to convince her to come home with you. After getting around to business, after foreplay and what-not, she straddles on top of your erect cock, ready to ride you and Mr. Winky straight on into morning. And as she thrusts her pelvis and screams cries of erotic passion, you hear a rumbling. But it’s not you. Nope, it’s not your Taco surprise anal blast that’s brewing. And before you can realize what is quickly manifesting, you look dawn at your crotch just in time to hear an earth-shattering rip and witness the nuclear birthing of the world’s most explosive diarrhea straight from your lady friend’s ass. Total and utter fecal holocaust, jetting out of her ass in quantities that would probably incapacitate even the fattest of people. And it’s all just flooding your crotch; your cock, pounding away at her vagina, is caught in a mammoth landslide of shit, blood, partially-digested steak, and corn. And it has the most horrific odor you can imagine. At this point, our lovely lady friend is now cognizant of the fact that her ass has become the gaping maw of a literal biological dragon, is dismounting, and is attempting damage control by rushing her still-copiously-shitting ass to the bathroom. In her attempt to get up, she arches her ass at too extreme of an angle, showering your face with a chocolate rinse that renders your libido dead for weeks on end. She runs quickly to the bathroom, leaving a wake of shit, blood, and excrement the likes of which only elephant zoo keepers have witnessed.

That is what Despised Icon has become. The Ills of Modern Man showcases an amazing promise that is hampered by the musical equivalent of explosive diarrhea. The talent and capacity are there, but- Jesus H Fucking Christ on a pogo stick- this is horrendous. Unless Despised Icon seriously re-evaluates their stance on deathcore and do some major internal reorganizing (especially with those vocals), they might as well call it a day.

Review byNecro-tron