Every time I hear the name Exhumed, I’m strangely reminded of the Simpsons episode where Little Vicky tries to teach Lisa how to tap dance. Every time I listen to them, they remain so Carcass-worshippingly formulaic, that the only thing that goes through my head is, instead of Little Vicky saying "Tappa-Tappa-Tappa" to explain the rhythmic tapping pattern, and "Pulla-Pulla-Pulla" to explain how to pull a rope, she’s saying "Chugga-Chugga-Chugga" and "Blasta-Blasta-Blasta". Every album of theirs just sounds so unimaginative and uninspired, like whenever they run out of an idea they just throw in an old Carcass album and make up a new song based around a specific riff. I can honestly say that in the past 10 years, the most exciting thing I’ve found about Exhumed is that their old bassist used to puke on command. This time around Exhumed have actually come up with something that doesn’t completely bore the shit out of me in Anatomy Is Destiny… sort of. While the Carcass-worship is definitely there, this line-up was actually capable of recording something that’s actually semi-interesting for once, taking on a heavier, faster and more skilled approach than their last two full length efforts with sharp catchy thrash-grind riffs and blazing blasts. The downside of this album is the vocals. I don’t know how they do it, but somehow Exhumed excels at having the absolute worst vocals in all of metal. The highs sound like Jeff Walker if he had a really bad head cold that left him really nasally and the lows are barely audible, it sounds like someone’s stomach grumbling, or Will Rahmer whispering sweet nothings into your ear. "The Matter Of Splatter" is solid and entertaining, but the majority of the album is more miss than hit, mostly due to the horrible vocals, the music itself is actually not bad. In the end, I feel like Homer Simpson in the episode where Lisa declares her vegetarianism and pushes the roasted pig and sends it on its journey with the aide of lawn tractor. After getting past the one good track and the next track starts to get boring I feel like shouting "It’s just a little dirty, it’s still good, it’s still good!" The deeper it goes, and the more the album starts to sink into mediocrity I still want to like it, proclaiming "It’s just a little slimy. It’s still good, it’s still good!" Right around "Arclight" I feel hope starting to fade, shouting "It’s just a little airborne, it’s still good, it’s still good!" until I get to the end and the little voice in my head tells me "It’s gone." and in a disappointed sigh I let out "I know…" Wow, who’d have thought talking about Exhumed could be so entertaining? I should include cartoon references in my reviews more often!

Written By: Teufel