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| Label: |
Roadrunner Records |
| Year: |
2007 |
| Format: |
CD |
| Tracks: |
15 |
| Genre: |
Metalcore |
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What the fuck is this? I've heard some pretty gay shit in my day, but Killswitch Engage's As Daylight Dies is easily the sticky cookie of "metal." Don't know what a sticky cookie is? A sticky cookie is when a group of guys jerk off together, each one blowing a load on a cookie. The last one to blow their load on that cookie has to eat it. Do you want to know who happens to be munching away on that tadpole surprise? All of those faggot 15 year olds hanging out in the mall with the goofy big black pants, with the huge wallet chain, the 10x oversized Slipknot t-shirt that looks like it would be loose even on a 500lbs sumo wrestler with their dyed black hair, fingernails painted black with that fucking gaytarded lip ring that's off to one side so their lover's cock doesn't get snagged on it. They look like a confused retard who isn't sure if they're emo, skateboarder, goth, wigger or punk. What the fuck are you supposed to be? The metal fairy? When one of them loses a lip piercing do you come prancing into their room and shove your cock in their mouth while they sleep? I don't fucking get what you're supposed to be, but one thing you clearly are not is FUCKING METAL!
The music of Killswitch Engage is just as "What the fuck?"-inducing as their sexually confused fans. It's equal parts metalcore, 80s glam rock, Pantera-worship and emocore. You know your band is fucking horrible when even Max Cavalera says your band is fucking gay... and that's coming from the main man of fucking Soulfly!
There are heavy chugging riffs followed by flowery gay melodies, deep snarls followed by emorotic clean gentle taint licking vocals, drum kit smashing followed by I swear what sounds like a Hare Krishna banging on a tambourine. It's like the band doesn't know whether they're in the mood to rock or suck cock so they do a little of both.
It's like wrapping a turd inside of a mint coating. At first you think to yourself "Hey, this isn't too bad." You lean in, take a little sniff and it smells kind of good, but you sense something sinister lays within. Then you sink your teeth in and realize "HOLY FUCK! I'VE GOT SHIT IN MY MOUTH!" There's no denying when you taste shit either, I had a friend in grade school who had a frozen dog turd kicked into his mouth one day in the school yard. He claimed it never landed in his mouth but we all saw him spit it out. I get the same feeling listening to this album as I'm sure he did sucking on a frozen chocolate log.
As far as original songwriting goes, forget about it. This band steals riff after riff and cliché after cliché. Somehow they've gained some level of popularity, I can only imagine their fan base is full of 14 year old kids who think listening to this shit makes them "Dangerous" and "Evil" when, in reality, the kids who watch American Idol are infinitely more brutal. That and girls. For some reason I get the impression that, despite how ugly these dudes are for whatever reason they probably have a lot of chick fans.
I could go on about this band, but I fear if I listen to one more note of this god awful piece of shit I'm going to end up drop kicking the next kid I see wearing a Killswitch Engage t-shirt. I don't care if you are 12, when I was 12 I was listening to Slayer, Megadeth, Deicide, Morbid Angel, Anthrax, Sepultura and Metallica back in the days when listening to Twisted Sister made you a bad ass devil worshiper. Grow some fucking balls you pussy! Why don't you just put on a fucking bandanna and spandex and rock out to Cinderella and Winger! Fuck I hate you emo punk goth wanna be metal kids. I hope you all end up as some hairy bear power top's ass slave!
Review: Teufel
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