I’m going to start this review off by stating Countdown To Extinction is the last Megadeth album I purchased way back in 1992. I heard Youthanasia at a friend’s place in ‘94 and didn’t care for it at all and haven’t bothered with any of the band’s new material since. That’s not to say I don’t listen to and like Megadeth, nothing could be further from the truth, at least once every couple of months I’ll toss in Rust In Peace and listen to it over and over again for days on end. It’s an awesome disc that stands the test of time and gives me the same sense of enjoyment today as it did the first time I heard it. The same cannot be said for Megadeth’s latest offering United Abominations.

Marty Friedman, David Ellefson and Nick Menza are long gone, replaced by Glen Drover (Eidolon), James Lomenzo (White Lion) and Shawn Drover (Eidolon). I’ll let that sink in for a moment because that shit blew my fucking mind. The once mighty Megadeth has the bassist from White fucking Lion. That’s not a promising sign, now is it?

With the complete overhaul in the band’s line-up came a complete overhaul in the band’s sound. The Megadeth I’m familiar with is the thrash metal titans of the late 80s and early 90s. The Megadeth spewing out of my speaker like a backed up toilet is a radio friendly melodic heavy metal act, bordering on power metal. The song writing is much simpler than the early days of Megadeth, almost as though Dave Mustaine got hit in the head with a hammer and forgot how to write a decent riff.

As I sit here listening to this album I can’t help but bounce my head off the desk, actually, I’m grabbing myself by the back of my bald head and slamming it down as hard as I can in the hopes that I’ll get a concussion and forget that I made the mistake of sitting down and listening to this shit.

I’ll give Megadeth credit, the members of the band certainly know how to play their instruments, there’s no doubting these guys have put a number of years into perfecting their craft. Dave and Glen are capable of playing at a high skill level, and do put it on display, the bass playing of James Lomenzo is solid and Shawn Drover is a competent drummer. The problem with United Abominations is the song writing is fucking terrible. I can accept the fact that it’s been 16 years since Megadeth were in their prime. I can even accept that Megadeth are a completely different band, that’s fine. What I can’t accept is anyone claiming this album is actually good. Are you fucking high?

United Abominations has some of the lamest song structures I’ve ever heard. I think Dave Mustaine did way too many drugs if he thinks this shit is quality heavy metal or “the return of old school Megadeth.” This album is so flawed with poor song writing that it’s making me want to dig up my old Megadeth albums and set them on fire, it’s really that fucking terrible.

For starters, Dave Mustaine is completely incapable of singing in tune with the material he’s playing on his guitar. He’ll be playing one riff while singing a completely different rhythm, it just makes no fucking sense and sounds terrible. The song writing is more along the lines of 80s hair metal than 80s thrash metal, complete with group-sung choruses and that happy-go-lucky fruity vibe. I’ve had wet farts heavier than United Abominations.

The album contains a duet with Cristina Scabbia of Lacuna Coil. Yeah, you heard right. Not only that, but the song they cover is an even lamer re-recording of "A Tout Le Monde (Set Me Free)" from Youthanasia. The song sounds like it’s straight out of a cheesy 80s flick starring Patrick Swayze. Jesus Christ, I feel like cutting my ears off and feeding them to the neighbor’s pitbull.

Megadeth have changed, I can accept that. When I first started listening to Megadeth I was still in grade school, now I have pubes and my balls have dropped, seriously they droop so low nowadays I almost feel like my balls are water skiing when I sit down on the shitter to drop a deuce. Things change, I understand that, but what I don’t understand is why the fuck anyone would spend money, not only to see Megadeth live, but to actually buy this piece of shit album. It’s fucking terrible. If I remove all of my prejudices about Dave Mustaine and look at this purely as a new album by a brand new heavy metal band… it still fucking sucks! There’s no way you can listen to this steaming pile of shit and tell me it’s good, that would be like running a cheese grater over your cock and balls sending chunks of flesh and blood every which way and saying it tickles. The only explanation I can think of for anyone claiming this album is good is that they’ve had a lobotomy and spend every waking moment drooling, pissing and shitting themselves.

I can’t wrap my head around the fact that this steaming pile of tapeworm and tick filled dogshit is openly being praised. By whom, you might ask? Blabbermouth (7.5/10), Metal Hammer (9/10) and Kerrang! (4/5). What the fuck is going on? Did I fall out of bed and into another dimension where people shit out of their mouth, piss out of their fingertips and use their assholes to breathe? I would rather have eight angry cops beat me with sticks while they tase the shit out of me than listen to this shit again.

On a related note, the artwork for this album is the fucking worst thing I’ve ever seen. What drunken orangutan designed this? If you spent money on this album and actually think it’s good, holy fuck, do you need to seek therapy. This is a shitty metal album by a once great band. I don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks, a shitty album by a once great band still makes it… A SHITTY FUCKING ALBUM! I could respect Megadeth if they wrote something semi-decent, like Slayer’s latest effort Christ Illusion, but United Abominations is exactly as the title implies; a complete total and utter abomination. If United Abominations was a fetus, it would be retarded, it’s mother ugly and I’d be digging through the closet for the rustiest hanger I could find. Fuck this!

Written By: Teufel