I’ve heard of Mortician before, but I’ve never actually heard the band. Three minutes into this CD I’m thinking that was just as well. First there’s an immensely boring sample from some mundane horror movie or whatever, that seems to go on for fucking ever, and we get going with non-stop blasting. Non-stop blasting. Then there’s some other shite, and some growly growly vocals spewing forth inane lyrics that seem to be a particularly half-assed attempt at parodizing death metal lyrics ala Chris Barnes. "Night of terror / Brutal murder / Psycho killers / Endless slaughter…" And it goes on and on. Some people shouldn’t be allowed by law to write lyrics. Whoever wrote these BROOTEL HATEFULL LYRICKS is obviously among the ones who should be kept away from pencils. Just about every fucking song (if not *every*, I have not the will nor strength to bother checking) has a fucking boring sample in the beginning. How fucking predictable can you get? Samples in the beginning of the fucking album, maximum two others on the entire album, and you could’ve gotten away with it considering this thing has 28(!!!!) songs on it. No fucking more! Stop it! I’ve had enough! Let me off this train! Get a fucking drummer, and/or shoot the idiot who programs this insanely fucking boring drum machine! Educate yourselves on the concept of FILLS, god dammit! Learn to distort a guitar correctly! Get a vocalist that can say other letters than "s", "u" and "o"! Or just quit this meaningless fucking banter, ’cause this is just fucking stupid. I somewhat wanted to read through the thanks/greets list to see if they mentioned me there, but seeing as they managed to fill up two god damned pages in the booklet with nothing but this, I didn’t bother. On the *positive* side… Some of the songs on this thing are listenable, actually. There are some half-decent riffs, probably stolen from somewhere, I dunno, and some times the vocals aren’t as annoying as an eight foot dog mistaking your leg for a fuckable female of the species, lacking the ability to say "no." But it’s not worth paying for. Luckily, I didn’t. Nyah nyah.

Review byAngry Norse