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Porkfarm? …Porkfarm? ….Fuck Yeah, Porkfarm!

Back in my single years, my friends and I would get ready to go out drinking and trying to get laid by assigning to each other a word that HAD to be used in a conversation with the female we wanted to fuck.   The idea was that instead of helping each other hook up, we would make the other guy work for it even more than his targeted girl was going to do anyway.

‘Pork’ was often one of our chosen words with the condition that it could only be used as a verb, so any reference to food didn’t count.   The more we drank, of course, the more ridiculous the conversations became.   Unfortunately, one of our other favorite selections was “orangutan.”   This inevitably led to one of us telling a girl in a bar a drunken story about fucking an ape, followed by awkward silence and everyone going home alone at last call.   None of us ever got some ass, but by the end of the night we were too drunk to perform even if we had found a girl that was into gorillas, so it really didn’t matter.

‘Porkfarm’, however, would absolutely have gotten me laid.   Maybe even twice.   How the fuck could any girl resist ‘would you like to come over and check out my rare porkfarm?’ Especially if she was a metalhead, she’d be creaming in her pants before you could hail a cab.

If you haven’t guessed by now, Blood Harvest is a 6-song EP by England’s Porkfarm.   Combining a bit of grind with brutal death metal, this is some cool shit.   The band’s drummer, Cadaver, is out of his fucking mind.   He’s impressively all over the place without ever losing stride.   The blast beats and fills drive all of the songs pretty relentlessly and pummel you nonstop.

The vocals are also a strong point.   And that really shouldn’t be a surprise, coming from a guy who goes by the name of The Crap.   He alternates smoothly among death metal gutturals and higher pitched screams.   Not any of that pig-squealing queerbait screaming but more of the bloodcurdling type of screams, similar to Steve Rathjen from the mighty Brain Drill. Check out the vocals on “Severed and Bound”and you’ll see what I mean.

As a matter of fact, the music is pretty much in the same realm as Brain Drill.   Perhaps it’s not quite as complex or technical, but it’s not simplistic by any means.   The guitars by The Butcher and Danpork are creative as they progress from straightforward power chord riffs to some more involved runs.

Porkfarm is definitely a band I’ll be keeping an eye on.   You should as well, especially if there’s an outside chance it can help get you laid.

Review byPile Driver