Do your research, bastard! Yes, believe or not, some of us reviewers actually look up some information on bands that are being reviewed. In addition, I enjoy reading reviews to see if my ideas are in accordance with other so called reviewers on the Internet. In this case, I have to disagree with all other reviews. While the terms "whirlwind," "chaotic," "raging," and other mundane adjectives and adverbs were being strewn about, most did little to describe the actual music. Yeah, it’s a tornado alright, and this disc has blown itself right into the "rare listens" pile. "But, Double D’s, this is the type of stuff you should like, with brutal riffs and guttural vocals," she says after wiping her face. In fact, she (I am not sure who) is correct. I should like this but I don’t. For the amateur ear, this may seem brutal and ________ (insert wind-like adjective/adverb here like "tornado-ish," "whirlwind," "typhoon-a-mania") when compared to those lauded by Seamstress Juliya. But for the more selective palates, this is a mediocre-at-best release.

For one, even for me, the riffs are quite stale and the mosh riffs are just plain flat. I counted one riff that was the slightest bit exciting and I thought I had heard it somewhere else, like something off the Cinerary album. The drums are fast, I guess, but just do not stand out, the blasting is sloppy, and the drummer must have gotten a degree from Cannibal Corpse University, located in Southern Florida, near the house where the Golden Girls live. The faster riffs are messy and the shredded parts are stale like elementary lunchroom Sloppy Joe rolls. The band sounds like A) a half-baked Brodequin with a better recording and more oh-so-exciting mosh parts or B) a boring version of Gorgasm or Incestuous, your choice. You can choose one from column A and one from column B and get a free egg roll! Either way, this just did absolutely nothing for me and I was highly insulted by the fact that I should have liked this because of the scholarly song titles and overall brutal-ness and blustery and gale-like (wind adjectives!) nature. As much thought went into the song titles as the songs themselves, which I usually never compare. Bands like Disgorge (Mex.) can get away with great titles like (I’ll just make this up - see how you like it) "Uterine Cavity Decay with Blastoid Amoebatosis Undermined by Nipplical Nostrils Under Fleshy Confines of Scrotal Fungos in Intravenous Fluid Compounded by Testicular Bifida Over Easy with Brain Stemular Tuberculosis" because they can and their music is decent. On this disc, this is not the case. This is living proof that A) Michigan is not as brutal as I thought it was or B) Everyone on MySpace, the Friendster of the underground, shouldn’t form a band. Choose one from column A and one from column B and get a free finger chicken (not a typo - the local Chinese Takeout writes finger chicken instead of chicken fingers - I thought it was some type of plastic novelty at first).

Written By: Double Ds