I only finished reviewing the three song promo for this album a few short weeks ago. Since then the full length has been released and Metal Blade sent me a copy. I thought this was rather cool of them since I wanted to hear the duet with Karyn Crisis, as well as see if the rest of the album was an improvement over the 3 songs on the promo. As it turns out, the answer to my question is not really.

The album starts out with the monotonous chug-metal tracks "Impulse To Disembowel" and "The Day The Dead Walked" from the promo, and, unfortunately, those seem to be the best tracks on the entire CD. These tracks are followed up by a groovin track entitled "It Never Dies". It should have been entitled "It Never Ends", as even at only 2:41, the monotony seems to never fucking end. Of course I spoke to soon, because right after that is "The Murderers", a track that can be best described as Hanson down tuned with Chris Barnes on vocals. It’s just so ridiculously slow that trying to stay awake through the 2:40 it lasts is a chore and a half.

"Waiting For Decay" is a bit of a surprise, as it’s actually somewhat reminiscent of early Cannibal Corpse, with Chris returning to a Butchered At Birth-style vocal approach for the majority of the track, with a few occasional The Bleeding highs, this is probably the best Six Feet Under track since their Haunted debut by far. Of course following up this pretty decent track is "One Bullet Left", featuring Ice-Mutha-Fuckin-T BITCH! At first I just found this track to be completely hilarious, but the more I hear it, the more I realize just how incredibly fucking stupid it is… I mean… there’s dumb, and then there’s this. This song is as intelligent as a child with down syndrome after being hit in the head with a hammer repeatedly. The only good thing about this song is the fact that it’s hilarious the first few times, and the lyrics for Ice-T’s complete curse-filled rant are included.

Following this is another groove-chugger, "Knife, Gun, Axe". I think Chris ended up having a seizure while doing the vocals on this track, he keeps spazzing out trying to do his highs. This is followed up by the equally boring "Snakes". The more I listen to this album, the more I realize the lyrical trend. Barnes repeats the song title about 50 times before saying anything else. The lyrics for the song are pretty simple actually, the lyric sheet has one sentence for every word he says and it takes up less than half a page in big print.

Finally we get to the song I’ve been waiting for, "Sick And Twisted", featuring Crisis front-woman Karyn Crisis. I’ve been a huge fan of hers, and of Crisis, ever since I first heard Deathshead Extermination. Long-time followers of Teufel’s Tomb may even remember the Crisis fansite I had up on the site, which was mentioned in the sleeve of The Hollowing. Well… I listened to the song, and I have just one thing to say; what the FUCK was that all about? The song is probably the slowest song on the entire album, and incredibly boring. Karyn’s vocals are excellent, as usual, she employs her whisper and screech throughout in the background, however, for the majority of the song there’s some really shitty echo effect put on her vocals, and for the most part they’re put pretty far back in the mix. Personally, I think this is a huge waste of Karyn’s talents and the song shouldn’t have even been included on the CD. Following this atrocity is another steaming pile of Six Feet Under, entitled "Cadaver Mutilator", which is basically as interesting as watching mold grow on a loaf of bread night and day for 3 weeks. Finishing up this disc is "Necrosociety", which is typical of the rest of the songs on the album, slow… very slow… very monotonous… very boring… very sleep inducing… very worthless.

I was actually happy when I finished listening to this album, not because I enjoyed it, but because it was finally over… or so I thought. I could only be so lucky. There’s more… oh dear god no, there’s more… included with this disc is the music video for "The Day The Dead Walked". I can’t even put into words my thoughts about this video. It’s like mixing an old Cannibal Corpse video, with a Rob Zombie video with a Foo Fighters video. In it Chris Barnes basically does his best to look exactly like Rob Zombie, the acting… what am I talking about? What acting? The video just has some guy cutting open a body and ripping him apart, yet the corpse is alive and is a cannibal… I honestly can’t put the stupidity into words. For some reason Barnes keeps rolling his eyes into the back of his head, I guess this is supposed to symbolize that he’s a zombie. I don’t get why he didn’t just put in novelty contact lenses… oh, wait, I do… he’s a junkie in a band… there we go.

Like the television series by the same name, homosexuality is expected, and plentiful, in Six Feet Under, with all sorts of nasty plot turns, like who’s turn is it to be the receiver and who gets to hold the video camera while the fisting parade begins. Intelligence isn’t to be found anywhere on this disc either, the least crappy tracks are available for free on the band’s website and the song with Ice-T is available on the free promo the label has been giving out for months. "Waiting For Decay" is the only decent track not available for free, but I’d suggest just picking up Cannibal Corpse’s Butchered At Birth, since it’s better than that track anyway. The album got 5/10 for the promo because a) it was free and b) it was entertaining, only in a humorous way. The full length, with 8 additional tracks just turns the entertaining goofiness into utter sadness. If you buy this and enjoy this, you really shouldn’t be calling yourself a metalhead, you should be calling your nearest neurosurgeon because obviously your brain just fell out of your fucking head, or you’ve just been living without one for quite some time.

Written By: Teufel