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What a long, strange trip this has fucking been……..

I’m not the oldest geezer in the world, but I’ve been around long enough to know that I’d rather have nails pounded into my ears then listen to anything by the Grateful Dead. On the off-chance that I ever descend into total delirium and become a fan of the Dead, my family has been instructed to shoot me in the fucking head. Quickly. I’m also not entirely sure that kicking the crap out of Deadheads wouldn’t qualify as justifiable homicide, but check your local laws before doing so just to be sure.

So, it was with some reluctance that I checked out The Dead by… The Dead, which is labeled as a death metal band from Australia. Now, it was certainly possible that The Dead wouldn’t totally suck, but based on my initial expectation I wasn’t holding my breath. After all, if The Dead is the best fucking name you can come up with for your band, what chance does your music really have?

Apparently, not much. In actuality, it wouldn’t be fair to say that The Dead suck, as it’s not completely unlistenable.   It’s just… weird.   It might be more accurate to say that The Dead don’t suck as much as they could.   That’s splitting hairs to some, I know, but it certainly could have been much worse.

The Dead play what I guess can be described as ‘funk death metal.’    If that sounds odd, you’re not alone.   The band has included some bass lines that have funky slaps normally heard in jazz or R&B/funk bands.

The overall sound of the band is incredibly over-processed. The vocals of Mike Yee are so deep and effect-laden that they almost sound cartoon-like.   Off the top of my head, the vocals  sound like the aliens in “Men In Black” looking for Orion’s Belt.   It’s an exaggerated sound that misses the mark if it’s trying to sound heavy. Most death metal vocals are intended to sound ‘evil’, but these are actually comical.

The Dead also play some blues-based riffs that are decidedly not heavy metal. The songs “Hunting Humans” and “Nameless Enemy” have rhythms with a groove that are unlike anything I’ve heard from a death metal band. And “Raging Violence” has a tribal sounding drum line that you wouldn’t expect to hear.   I suspect that if you turned on one of these for someone who had never heard them, he or she would be quite surprised.

Amazingly, there’s more. “Drown In Sin” almost sounds like it could be Led Zeppelin riff, and the song “They Eat Their Wounded” is basically death metal suicide. The verses are in 3/4, with a waltz-type feel that of course doesn’t work at all. It fucking reminds me of Julie Andrews singing “My Favorite Things” when I hear it.

And that sums up the problem with The Dead in a nutshell.   The band deserves credit for trying to sound different and unique, but in doing so, they’ve gone completely off the reservation.

Listening to The Dead is like hooking up with a horny slut in a bar: you’ll turn her on and she’ll make you feel good for ½ hour or 45 minutes, then you’ll get sick of her and not want to ever see her again.

Review byPile Driver