It has been stated on numerous occasions that black metal is the glam metal of the 1990’s. Taking this claim seriously, The Sins Of Thy Beloved are ironically setting new standards in inanity more so with their music than their second-rate cheesy image. "Gothic metal" is THE stupidest product of the 90’s, and I guess these guys are good at it because this is fucking horrible. Only stupid people can make music like this and even dumber people pay attention to it. This is the highest priority band on Napalm Records, again another crowning feat. They’re a step above Siebenburgen because they have the half naked woman with her breasts barely concealed on the actual front cover of the album, whereas Siebenburgen’s cover has a side view of the woman, showing only one barely covered breast & a half exposed nipple (but their back cover has a frontal view so you can partially see both breasts, don’t worry… the artwork was done by the same guy). Any other description for this music escapes me - it’s not good or bad - it’s just stupid. Only one remotely interesting part creeps into this album, a brief synth/violin instrumental segment in the first song ("The Flame Of Wrath"), showing these guys may have talent when not involving metal, much as the rest of the album firmly attests to. One must wonder why a talented violinist is engaged in this sort of activity. Is it for the chicks? There’s no way someone who spends their entire life mastering the hardest instrument on the planet would acknowledge this as viable musical matter. Most of them have a hard enough time with any metal to begin with, let alone a misguided constituent. Stupid, generic keys (this was recorded with the lovely Mr. Terje Refsnes as is the case with all of Napalm’s newest gothic partners in crime), stupid female vocals - as if her laughing and moaning isn’t enough ("The Flame Of Wrath"), some other asshole starts croaking ("Partial Insanity") - if you can sit there, stare at the album cover and enjoy this, get some friends or something. I hate using the term, but this CD tells me that these people are nothing more than "dorks" in vampire costumes. In fact, a lot of metalheads are dorks but until now at least they were reluctant to voice their opinions for fear of making friends who might come over and discover their secret altar to Robert Carradine (I don’t have anything against "nerds" and "dorks" and "geeks" - I’m a fucking geek myself, anyone who knows me knows this. The difference here is I don’t take myself seriously enough to flaunt it and prance around in a band called The Sins Of Thy Beloved in hopes to gain attention from women, and have boys with no girlfriends like the CD cover enough to buy my album and regard me as a role model since I appear as if I can get succuba-like women to hang around me by being part of a complete retard outfit. No sir. Instead, I prefer to wear dresses to make women jealous (and Teufel gets to reap the benefits). Supposing we give leeway and acknowledge TSOTB as competent, "professional" musicians who have their own sound, or more accurately, as good a sound one can achieve being a sub-rate, by-the-book-formula Cradle Of Filth rip off (no Hecate Enthroned comments please, they were above sub-rate and included original members, but then again if you knew that you wouldn’t have thought to bring that up would you? Fuckin’ posers. I’m not into H.E. either). Although I’m impressed they (or Napalm) chose this song, it’s still apparent they’re not much of a metal band because they managed to make "The Thing That Should Not Be" as cheesy and more boring than their own hybrid material, even with the violin doing the solo. At least Cradle Of Filth remembered to put power in the guitars for their "Hell Awaits" cover. You probably think I’m nonsensically joking and exaggerating with all this. Let’s quote the promo sheet here: "Innocence and erotica are some of the many virtues aroused by the beautiful female vocals that are prominent with a soft and gentle quality, flawlessly accentuated by the gothic male vocals. With ‘Perpetual Desolation‘ TSOTB have created an immaculate album that will appeal to fans of the entire Metal spectrum." That last line is what this is all about. This is what’s referred to as "metal" today, by these labels and by YOU, whatever fucks that don’t argue and continue to let this happen. You know what? Go see for yourself. Go and spend your fucking money on this album. Go into a fucking store or online or wherever stupid people hang out and purchase The Sins Of Thy Beloved Perpetual Desolation, examine this shit for yourself and figure out whether I’m kidding or not. I want you to buy this and get pissed off about it, then maybe you’ll have a fucking clue what I’m talking about. Necropolis has retarded retro metal, Napalm has moronic gothic metal, Repulse has generic, rehashed death metal, United Guttural has braindead misogynist death metal, Moonfog has Satyricon, Relapse is… Relapse, Pavement manages to survive and I haven’t a fucking clue how, Candlelight is milking side-projects, Osmose signed Snowy Shaw and still promotes Swordmaster, Cacophonous had good bands, fucked them, lost them & reverted to second rate shit, Metal Blade has some kind of weird game plan licensing No Fashion’s worst, and Nuclear Blast can fuck off. Century Media signed some metal bands again recently, Fullmoon, Red Stream, Dark Symphonies, Season of Mist, Avantgarde, Morbid, Drakkar, Oz, Peaceville, Head Not Found, Displeased, Modern Invasion, Nocturnal Art and lo and behold - Wicked World - still have or had decent releases coming out, but it’s getting really tough. No Colours has Graveland and keeps repressing every cd in a nice new digipak every 3 months, Hammerheart has good bands and milks them with limited/repressed/exclusive-bonus versions of their releases, Moribund is in the right direction but never quite nails it (except Abigail and the 2nd Darkness Enshroud ruled), and now we have Baphomet signing every U.S. black metal band (enough said). Then there’s dozens of other smaller, growing labels on the map with a few releases, like Ablated, Lost Disciple, Nightfall, Conquest, Abyss, Elegy, Unique Leader, The End, Headfucker, Near Dark, Shadow, Pathos, Deathgasm, Dark Horizon, Sempiternal, some more I know I’m forgetting and tons more I can’t keep track of because I’m not wicked underground anymore… their releases have been for the better or worse, but at least in the right direction. Southern Lord should commit suicide. Extremities, Fadeless and Razorback look to be among the most promising, and neither of those three would ever consider releasing something like The Sins Of Thy Beloved, I can bet you on that. And if they ever did, they’d put a sticker saying, "Parental Advisory - Explicitly Stupid" (much like a tattoo that should be on every member of Waco Jesus‘ forehead). The only mature reaction to this album is to ignore it (then we wouldn’t have this review of course). While venting is a nice relief, the pain from having listened to this album puts me right back where I started, and I can be more annoying than you and your army of stupid gothic metal morons. Fuck off and die in pain!

Written By: Abbas