Fuck! You’d think some retarded Nuclear Blast "metal" band (Satyricon certainly comes to mind rather quickly…) would’ve taken the crown as the stupidest fucking thing in recorded history to ever emerge from guitar-based music, but you’d be barking up the wrong tree. I have enough contempt for so-called "goth metal" to fuel Thomas the tank engine for an eternity and a half, and that approximation was done before I came into contact with this ludicrous fucking abortion of an album. Echoing Abbas, this infantile digital urine must be the kind of thing sex starved "metalheads" come up with when they reach an age when not having a girlfriend makes them look like social rejects. "Hey," some "clever" fucking idiot thought, "let’s start playing watered-down so-called ‘metal’ and dress up like complete fuckwads in an attempt to gather enough attention around ourselves to guarantee some blonde-haired bimbo in each arm!" And so they did, and I’m sure they’re reaping in the fucking harvest, and more cholera to them. May their bitches be ridden with diseases so destructive they make NATO look like the fucking Arkansas boy scouts chapter. Pick a fucking concept, and stick with it. Vampire metal, circus metal, retarded porn infatuated European goregrind, or… no, forget about the goregrind, I’m pretty sure Cock And Ball Torture have enough of a sense of humor not to take themselves even remotely seriously. Something tells me these rocket scientists playing "goth metal" don’t, ’cause every single album coming from Napalm seems to be not much else than an attempt to make the last one look like Carcass in comparison. You thought Siebenbürgen was retarded enough for mongoloid European "metal" fans wearing "keep on truckin’" shirts and fucking the local inbred 13-year olds in the woods? Fuck you too, ’cause this is getting better. Instant retard "metal!" Take the last release, and add water! Just add water! It’s simple enough, have Terje Refsnes trigger the living hell out of what once sounded like drums, make sure the guitar sound isn’t intrusive enough to be registered by human hearing, throw in telephone prostitutes to perform quite a bit of "ooh"-ing and "aah"-ing here and there, some retarded fuckwit with a nicely shaved beard (think an even gayer Shagrath) on so-called "gothic male vocals" and you’ve got the perfect fucking solution to the world’s problems at large. And don’t forget the obligatory half-nude picture of some huge-breasted slut on the cover, god damnit! Daniel, aged nine, got The Sins Of Thy Beloved’s new album for christmas and he thinks it’s "da bomb," ’cause it’s got nudity on the cover and parents don’t take offense at the lyrical content as they would had they bought him a 2 Live Crew album instead. Fuck you. There’s nothing 2 Live Crew could fuck up in your children’s minds The Sins Of Thy Beloved won’t wretch to even worse degrees. Glam got the bitches in the eighties, this pathetic dung gets them today. The difference, of course, is there were glam bands that weren’t completely fucking shit. If everyone who passes this mongoloid yakpiss off for metal took a bullet in the back of the head, this world would start looking a lot fucking better in a very fucking short while. So FUCK YOU, Napalm and FUCK YOU, The Sins of Thy Beloved. FUCK YOU, Dismal Euphony, Mactätus, Obtained Enslavement, Siebenbürgen and Tristania and a massive FUCK YOU to every single idiot out there that can sit and look at this without fucking breaking something in two. Yes, THAT MEANS YOU, MOTHERFUCKER. FUCK YOU! Written By: Angry Norse