It wasn’t that long ago that Razorback Records was a horror metal and goregrind label releasing albums by Machetazo, Gruesome Stuff Relish, Catasexual Urge Motivation and The County Medical Examiners. Shortly thereafter they entered an era of releasing anything involving Maniac Neil, pumping out several releases by Lord Gore, Frightmare and Blood Freak over a period of a couple of years. When Neil and the label had a falling out, Razorback Records started releasing a series of school death doom releases by bands like Coffins, Hooded Menace and Acid Witch.

The latest Razorback Records trend is to release anything involving Wayne Sarantopoulos or Razorback Records’ head honcho Billy Nocera’s wife, Vanessa. Of the label’s past 12 releases 9 of them feature the talents of at least one, if not both of, Wayne and Vanessa. Why, you ask, is Billy releasing so much material involving Wayne? I have no idea, although the majority of it is pretty solid, namely Decrepitaph, Tombstones and Festered.

Why is Billy releasing so much material involving his wife? I’d like to say it’s because of her musicianship and songwriting ability, but I think the answer lies between her chin and her belly button, and I’m not talking about her neck. I’m not one to speak salaciously of a friend’s wife’s endowments, but I must offer Billy a high five and a “Well done, brother.”

I can’t say I blame Billy for releasing so much of his wife’s music, because I would get distracted into saying “Yes.” to whatever she asked of me if I had those sweater torpedos aimed at my eyes every day.

“Honey, will you shove your hand into a pit of sulfuric acid?”
Yes, dear.

“Honey, will you spend time with my mother, braid her hair and let her stomp on your throat?”
Yes, dear.

“Honey, would you release five of my albums?”
I’ll let you pour Tabasco sauce in my eyes if you take off your bra and do jumping jacks. Shhh… just keep jumping, everyone will understand. Oh it burns… oh god it burns… DON’T STOP!

Uhhh… this just got weird, didn’t it? Sorry, tit was an accid… errr… IT was an accident. Won’t happen again, I promise. Now back to the album review, already in progress…

Needless to say, Wooden Stake‘s Dungeon Prayers & Tombyard Serenades is the latest in a long line of Waynessa-related Razorback releases. Wooden Stake play a unique brand of lo-fi death doom that combines elements of Black Sabbath, Jex Thoth, 60s psychedelia, as well as Wayne and Vanessa’s other Razorback death/doomy projects, namely Decrepitaph and Skeletal Spectre. When I say lo-fi, I mean amateurish with the technical proficiency of an 8-year-old. You can actually sense them staring at their guitar and bass, making sure their fingers are on the right notes, and completely misjudging, at least 20% of the time. For an album featuring nearly 46 minutes of material, the number of technical errors is pretty shocking, especially considering the simplicity of the music contained within.

Being a longtime fan of goregrind, I can overlook their limitations as musicians and focus on the music itself, and while it’s not genre defining, it’s not horrible either. The most striking, and surprising, aspect of the release is Vanessa’s vocal performance. She mixes girly rasps with some hauntingly beautiful clean vocals. It’s her use of layered clean, chanting vocals that are most effective, giving the music a much more eerie, psychedelic effect.

I’m not a big fan of the music itself, but then again I’m not a huge fan of psychedelic rock or traditional doom, and there’s a fair amount of both featured prominently throughout this album. I do enjoy the clean vocals, which is unheard of for me, since I tend to steer towards grunts and growls, but Vanessa has a great voice, so I’ve gotta give her credit for that. I do know there are several prominent sites and zines who are big fans of traditional doom who have given Dungeon Prayers & Tombyard Serenades glowing praise, so obviously there’s an audience for this, but it’s definitely not for me.

For longtime fans of Razorback Records’ output, especially their old school death metal, death doom and goregrind releases, chances are you’ll find this sucks more than a maternity ward full of soother-mouthed babes. You thought I was going to say something about dicks, didn’t you? Fuckhead.

I do think Wooden Stake are onto something, I just don’t think they’ve reached a point where they should actually be recording anything yet, because they fuck up so many times on songs less complicated than Deep Purple‘s “Smoke on the Water” it’s fucking shameful. With more time spent honing their technical skills, they could record something pretty solid, and, to be fair, I’d probably be fucking up a lot too, if I was trying to see my bass past an enormous set of rib cushions, or trying to focus on my drumming with the east and west hemispheres staring me in the face. While it’s true I’m being a disgusting pig, in my defense, my girlfriend saw a photo of Vanessa and wants to give Billy a high-five too. She also wants to give Vanessa a hug so they can mash boobs. Her words. I say we all stand back and watch their friendship flourish. I’ll go get the oil, you grab the towel.

Review byTeufel