You can’t imagine my excitement right now. It is akin to a retard wrapping himself in tape and spinning around in the middle of the street, rivulets of tard drool collecting on the ground between his proclamations of being a tornado. Except it’s not. It’s not anything. It’s an Emperor album without anything that makes an Emperor album good. It’s cold and clinical, A middle of the road mix of Black Metal and Death Metal. My excitement is a Zyklon album.

I’ll ignore the stupid title that seems more appropriate for late-90s Boneheads like Skinlab or Lungbrush than for someone who wrote and recorded some of the best Underground Metal of all time. This album is a boring asshole that seems not only hellbent on dumbing down Emperor’s relevance, but the relevance of Underground Metal, past and present. I can’t imagine anyone being remotely excited by a new Zyklon album, not even out of morbid curiosity. I mean people would rather pay 98 dollars to see a reunited Emperor than pay 15 dollars to witness Zyklon bore up whatever ridiculous package tour they’ve decided to take part of this year… something with Divine Empire perhaps?

This album is an insufferable bastard. Zyklon is clown shoes. I’m only on the third track and I’m shutting the fuck off right… now.

Written By: Nick Benoitschwitz