Nameless Dread

• Gorgoroth “Incipit Satan”

  Beercanblackmetalhornedgoddarkhumanism! Well, Incipit Satan’s a pretty good cut, except that gay mid-song distortion crap. "A World To Win" has one of the funniest screams on earth starting about 2:16 into it. Three is gay. I’m also using this opportunity to "diss" Marky Marc Karlsson who thinks this is the best fucking song [...]
  http://www.teufelstomb.com/reviews/gorgoroth-incipitsatan_2/

• Dimmu Borgir “Puritanical Euphoric Misanthropia”

  Pisspooritanical Euphaggoty Mismanagement-of-Nicholas’-drumming-talent. While American black metal acts wow you with their talentless nein-production efforts, equally bad Euro trash like Dimmu Borgir and Cradle Of Filth wow you with jarringly over-produced talentless albums. The only person worth a fuck here is good old St. Nick. Why he fucks around with terrible bands is beyond [...]
  http://www.teufelstomb.com/reviews/dimmuborgir-puritanicaleuphoricmisanthropia_2/

• The Haunted “The Haunted Made Me Do It”

  "Catchy," uninventive well-produced Entombed-esque/Corporation 187-esque mildly -deathy thrash, interspersed with some occasional Rage Against The Machine-esque breakdowns, over which a standard Hypocrisy-esque vocals is used with some occasional In Flames-esque/ Danzig-esque vocalizations. "Cool"-esque serial killer pics, accoutrements and gun-store receipt make this a stunningly mediocre-esque release. This review is now over-esque.
  http://www.teufelstomb.com/reviews/thehaunted-thehauntedmademedoit/

• Skinlab “Disembody: The New Flesh”

  Erik (not Teufel, dumbass, another fucking Erik - check the spelling, shit-for-brains): "Ah yeah. That Skinlab shit’s real fuckin tight." Nathan: "What do they sound like?" Erik: "Like Napalm Death or Godflesh with some aggro elements thrown in it. Heavy as fuck. They’ve toured with Napalm Death, Fear Factory & shit. They’re doin’ some [...]
  http://www.teufelstomb.com/reviews/skinlab-disembodythenewflesh/

• Nile “Black Seeds Of Vengeance”

  The fact Fairyrizer fagazine thinks you’re "hot shit" does not mean fuck to me. Your vocals are so generic, it makes my bowels shift. Your riffs are so fucking aimless (Is that the right word? Help me out here, readers) that no one knows if you’re making any mistakes when you perform. [...]
  http://www.teufelstomb.com/reviews/nile-blackseedsofvengeance/

• Morbid Angel “Gateways To Annihilation”

  I think the best "song" on this album is "Kawazu". For those who have heard the album and know the track listing, you know what I’m implying. For those who don’t, "Kawazu" is the annoying-ass, I don’t know, 30 second intro, to the first full-length boring-ass song to a weak-ass boring album of boring-ass weak [...]
  http://www.teufelstomb.com/reviews/morbidangel-gatewaystoannihilation/

• Hollenthon “Domus Mundi”

  This is NOT blackmetal. This is ethnoincorporoprognoire Europa. Unfamiliar? Imagine Therion and Gorguts fisticuffing it out for the main stage at a NAMBLA meeting. Blackmetal makes you wanna varneline churches, stab gothy posers, carve indecipherable Norse-like runes in your flesh, and scream "Kill for Satan!" This stuff just makes you wanna [...]
  http://www.teufelstomb.com/reviews/hollenthon-domusmundi/

• Immolation “Close To A World Below”

  Frenzied yet craftily structured, technically proficient, disharmonic, catchy, brutalizing, ever-intense death-metal. Everyone puts their blood, sweat and guts into every skull-fucking cut of this tearass album. I find myself blasting "Father, You’re Not A Father" while on campus, smoking marijuana, screaming insanely, giving people the finger, telling hot chicks I’m going to [...]
  http://www.teufelstomb.com/reviews/immolation-closetoaworldbelow/

• Dies Irae “Immolated”

  I like this album. It’s solid, visceral death metal. Good stuff. Too bad the one guy on the back looks like a fat pig-faced Jewish school girl. You know what I mean. Cut your hair. Lose eighty pounds. Get back to me. This guy makes Don Decker look [...]
  http://www.teufelstomb.com/reviews/diesirae-immolated/

• Cradle Of Filth “Midian”

  These gayass cock-guzzling faggot-bitches are just that. Am I a heterosexist homophobe? Or am I a misanthropic neo-pagan purist-realist national socialist-satanist who has a preoccupation for kicking peoples’ asses and drawing butterfly knives and loaded firearms at parties and in crowded restaurants like Dead had for razorblades and bondage-torture snuff films? You decide. [...]
  http://www.teufelstomb.com/reviews/cradleoffilth-midian/

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